Story Archives 2004

by Steven Trainor/Special to PNN

Clusters. Sporadic segregation. Homes of deficient housing. Shambled
shacks and dying grass, when will our messiah come. The smooth kiss from
the spirit of the street as she hides behind the cast iron fencing.
Aggravated mugs glare endless into the mirror's of poverty as a mean to end
our woes.

Refusal, defiance. My brothers who tailor the sidewalks carry their burdens
as a smile of ease. Heat. Sweating hunches at the ghetto bower. Here is
the home of wreckage. This is the plan of finacial demise. Here within the
metal street signs and gang graffiti. Comal and Third.

Parks dazzled in Hollywood fashion as young African children stand staring,
wishing to grip their fingers around monkey bars. The camera's expose
stillness. Something unknown to the nature of the HOOD. Hands work
faculties of cleaning. Never gracing the simple pleasures in life. It is
here where we suture our wounds of poverty. A sense of brotherhood only the
projects know.

Sleek skin framed by black hair, catches my guards low. I wish to know her
flesh, she is aware and smiling. A daughter to the same pain as I.
Yearning to touch her skin. Wishing to examine her coils. For she is a
gift to these long drawn days. Sister to the street, mother of the future.

Windows heavily shaded as to not embrace violation. A standard
understanding, unperiled by strangers and residents alike. For he who
comes unknowing shall fall victim to the strife of the block which is
traveled.

Savage. Unrelenting. A constant state of constant awareness. Flowing
movement. Always alive. A place of weakness and strength. There is no
medium. It either is or it is not. There are nothing but crumbling homes
and broken dreams. And a place to rest your head. Comal and Third.

by Virginia Velez/Special to PNN

Before welfare de-form, I did all the right things to get out of poverty as a single mom. Luckily, I only have one child, a very rebellious, independent child. Anyway, I went to college when he was eight. It was the 80's and I worked part-time in the very university I was attending 22 hours a week so I could get health benefits for my child and I. It was a while before the financial aid folks noticed, then they forced me to give up my nice job on campus to take work-study for much less pay and no medical benefits, or I would lose my grants. Luckily, another single mom told me I could get AFDC, at least for Medicaid and food stamps, and I did. I did so well in that Washington state university that I got a fellowship to go to the most elite school in California.

I got there and my son and I immediately started going thru it. I had no shame about being poor, but for my adolescent child living in Palo Alto among the wealthiest people in the world, my condition became shameful. On top of that, I was suffering from depression after a while there. I've recently been diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder from the domestic abuse I suffered with my son's father. I could tell back then that my child was turning against me for not having a man to take us out of poverty, as the fairy tales say. The school fellowship couldn't cover the really high rent because the university forced single moms to rent 2-bedrooms on campus even though other students without kids shared one-bedroom apartments on campus. I had to take out loans because I could only get food stamps and Medicaid with work study while I attended fancy-pants Stanford university. Of course, since Clinton, single moms can't even get that, so I was extremely lucky or I'd never have gone to college at all, but it was a struggle even BC (Before Clinton).

My son internalized all society's judgments, and he ran away at 13 and left my poor and blue behind for a brother on campus whom I had befriended primarily to be my son's 'big brother'. This very self-righteous man, who had a new red sporty car instead of a raggedy old station wagon like I had, very eagerly took my son in and immediately applied to be a foster parent, and here came the law. Dummy me called them to ask for a social worker or someone to help me get my son home and work things out. Yup, obviously Stanford had affected my good-South-Bronx-ghetto-child sense. To defend my actions, I'll say that I saw CPS in Seattle actually worked hard to reunite someone I knew who had a coke addiction and almost had her children molested by her boyfriend. I should also say that the main reason that CPS worked so hard to reunite that young mom with her kids was that the mom's sister, who took the kids in, was a lesbian! So yes, it was a stupid move, but I was desperate to get him brought back home, and I thought a runaway was treated as such and they would try to get him to stay home and do therapy, which they seem to do often enough for white single moms, from what I'd seen.

The police, CPS, social workers, all did absolutely nothing. They did not care that it was killing me that my child was with a single man. They did not care that never before had anything been held against me in my caring for my child, alone, for 13 years. They did not care I was sad and depressed from finances, and from having to be around the most selfish, ego-centric, richest and most messed up people in the world, while I worked my butt off in my studies and part-time work. They didn't care that I had never missed my son's ball games or concerts, that I begged and wheedled and finally scrounged up the dough for the child to have a clarinet because I had no credit and couldn't rent him one, that I'd made sure he never had a single cavity in his head, that I put him to bed every night whispering 'you're the best', that no matter how broke I was or how many student loans I had to take out, I kept quality fresh food and juices and never a soda in our refrigerator. They didn't care that my son had a perfect school record, had been in sports and music with only me there for him. They didn't care he was a runaway, so long as a man was willing to take him and help fund their foster care system. As Alexandra Finn wrote for your magazine in "The Big Business of Separating Families", 1/9/04, the system gets lots of dough to take our kids.

Ultimately, that man received more money as a foster dad than I ever would have if I had received AFDC cash aid. I informed AFDC as soon as my child left, and I became ineligible for healthcare or food stamps for myself. The man thankfully did not hurt my child, but he moved over 100 miles from me and then grossly neglected him. My child broke laws, got in trouble, got into gambling and drinking heavily while he was with that man, and I never heard a word about it, and the foster care system never called that man's ability to 'parent' my son into question. My child went from a lifelong honors student to almost not graduating. My child continued his foolishness in college and got in more legal trouble and lost his financial aid, got a record, ended up homeless for months, and is just now recovering from all that.

People get complacent when they have a little money, a little old job, a little bit of legitimacy and security. They, like I did for a hot minute, start thinking the system can actually help them, that they can actually control the system. I am here to tell you - never! Never, ever ask for help from any agency. It's completely pitiful for the moms and kids, but there is absolutely no institution you can trust for any help raising or just keeping your child. Churches can betray you, neighbors, family, friends. Everyone thinks they can do a better job raising your child than your poor butt can, no matter how long you've been doing it and doing it well. I was in the most posh and ultimately worthless university in the west, but I was still poor, a woman of color, and a single mom, and depressed, so in their eyes I was a lousy mother.

You have to pick who you can trust extremely carefully, and stick with folks who truly care about your struggle or hush up! You should never do anything - no partying, no showing any weakness - that can make you fit into their bad-parent label with people you can't trust.

When you feel worn out and blue, only the most trustworthy person can be called upon. Usually this'll be another single mom, or like me, I found a former -foster-child-now-mother at Stanford who I could trust who had been screwed by the system. She saved me from completely losing my mind when I lost my child, and would not let me blame myself though I felt like I'd failed the most important, vital responsibility in my life.

My kid and I are very close now. He's doing lots better, he's a young man and I pray for his maturity and sense of responsibility to settle better in him. When his past caught up with him and he was arrested for failing to appear at hearings for getting busted in college right after he left that man, I called that man who kept pretending my son's future mattered to him, who got paid to take care of him more than a real mother ever would get paid, and he put up not one dime to get him out, though my son had been working and racial profiled when he was stopped and the warrant came up; he had not even gotten into new trouble. I paid my son's bail when he got in trouble because I was working and had credit (now I'm disabled, can't pay it back, and have no income or credit). I helped him get through diversion to clear his record, set him up in my living room until he had work and could pay his way. So, you see how jive people are who say they only have your child's welfare at heart? That damn man has half my student loans and half my lifetime expenses for just necessities and twice my income and 20 times my family support, but he had not one red cent for my son in trouble, and no follow-through to see how he is.

From what I went through, I recommend you single moms gather onto yourselves (before there's trouble, not after!):

1. one good reliable trustworthy single mom friend who is not judgmental and doesn't think CPS is there to help

2. one pro-single-moms therapist to support you if anyone challenges your ability to raise your child, and

3. one pro-single-moms lawyer friend who will fight for you and your kids like a lion.

Bless you powerful struggling women and your children. May you be blessed with friends you can trust if you have no family to rely on.

by Pedro Pietri

They worked

They were always on time

They were never late

They never spoke back when they were insulted

They worked

They never took days off that were not on the calendar

They never went on strike without permission

They worked ten days a week and were only paid for five

They worked They worked

They worked and they died

They died broke

They died owing

They died never knowing

what the front entrance

of the first national city bank looks like

Juan

Miguel

Milagros

Olga

Manuel

All died yesterday today

and will die again tomorrow

passing their bill collectors

on to the next of kin

All died

waiting for the garden of eden

to open up again

under a new management

All died dreaming about america

waking them up in the middle of the night

screaming: Mira Mira

your name is on the winning lottery ticket

for one hundred thousand dollars

All died

hating the grocery stores

that sold them make-believe steak

and bullet-proof rice and beans

All died

waiting dreaming and hating

Dead Puerto Ricans

Who never knew they were Puerto Ricans

Who never took a coffee break

from the ten commandments

to KILL KILL KILL

the landlords of their cracked skulls

and communicate with their latino souls

Juan

Miguel

Milagros

Olga

Manuel

From the nervous breakdown streets

where the mice live like millionaires

and the people do not live at all

are dead and were never alive

Juan

died waiting for his number to hit

Miguel

died waiting for the welfare check

to come and go and come again

Milagros

died waiting for her ten children

to grow up and work so she could quit working

Olga died

waiting for a five dollar raise

Manuel died

waiting for his supervisor to drop dead

so he could get a promotion

Is a long ride

from Spanish Harlem

to long island cemetery

where they were buried

First the train

and then the bus

and the cold cuts for lunch

and the flowers

that will be stolen

when visiting hours are over

Is very expensive

Is very expensive

But they understand

Their parents understood

Is a long non-profit ride

from Spanish Harlem

to long~sland cemetery

Juan

Miguel

Milagros

Olga

Manuel

>All died yesterday today

and will die again tomorrow

Dreaming

Dreaming about queens

Clean-cut lily-white neighborhood

Puerto Ricanless scene

Thirty-thousand-dollar home

The first spics on the block

Proud to belong to a community

of gringos who want them lynched

Proud to be a long distance away

from the sacred phrase: Que Pasa

These dreams

These empty dreams

from the make-believe bedrooms

their parents left them

are the after-effects

of television programs

about the ideal

white american family

with black maids

and latino janitors

who are well train

to make everyone

and their bill collectors

laugh at them

and the people they represent

Juan

died dreaming about a new car

Miguel

died dreaming about new anti-poverty programs

Milagros

died dreaming about a trip to Puerto Rico

Olga

died dreaming about real jewelry

Manuel

died dreaming about the irish sweepstakes

They all died

like a hero sandwich dies

in the garment district

at twelve o'clock in the afternoon

social security number to ashes

union dues to dust

They knew

they were born to weep

and keep the morticians employed

as long as they pledge allegiance

to the flag that wants them destroyed

They saw their names listed

in the telephone directory of destruction

They were train to turn

the other cheek by newspapers

that mispelled mispronounced

and misunderstood their names

and celebrated when death came

and stole their final laundry ticket

They were born dead

and they died dead

Is time

to visit sister lopez again

the number one healer

and fortune card dealer

in Spanish Harlem

She can communicate

with your late relatives

for a reasonable fee

Good news is guaranteed

Rise Table Rise Table

death is not dumb and disable

Those who love you want to know

the correct number to play

Let them know this right away

Rise Table Rise Table

death is not dumb and disable

Now that your problems are over

and the world is off your shoulders

help those who you left behind

find financial peace of mind

Rise Table Rise Table

death is not dumb and disable

If the right number we hit

all our problems will split

and we will visit your grave

on every legal holiday

Those who love you want to know

the correct number to play

Let them know this right away

We know your spirit is able

Death is not dumb and disable

RISE TABLE RISE TABLE

Juan

Miguel

Milagros

Olga

Manuel

All died yesterday today

and will die again tomorrow

Hating fighting and stealing

broken windows from each other

Practicing a religion without a roof

The old testament

The new testament

according to the gospel

of the internal revenue

the judge and jury and executioner

protector and eternal bill collector

Secondhand shit for sale

Learn how to say Como Esta Usted

and you will make a fortune

They are dead

They are dead

and will not return from the dead

until they stop neglecting

the art of their dialogue

for broken english lessons

to impress the mister goldsteins

who keep them employed

as lavaplatos porters messenger boys

factory workers maids stock clerks

shipping clerks assistant mailroom

assistant, assisant assistant

to the assistant's assistant

assistant lavaplatos and automatic

artificial smiling doormen

for the lowest wages of the ages

and rages when you demand a raise

because is against the company policy

to promote SPICS SPICS SPICS

Juan

died hating Miguel because Miguel's

used car was in better running condition

than his used car

Miguel

died hating Milagros because Milagros

had a color television set

and he could not afford one yet

Milagros

died hating Olga because Olga

made five dollars more on the same job

Olga

died hating Manuel because Manuel

had hit the numbers more times

than she had hit the numbers

Manuel

died hating all of them

Juan

Miguel

Milagros

and Olga

because they all spoke broken english

more fluently than he did

And now they are together

in the main lobby of the void

Addicted to silence

Off limits to the wind

Confine to worm supremacy

in long island cemetery

This is the groovy hereafter

the protestant collection box

was talking so loud and proud about

Here lies Juan

Here lies Miguel

Here lies Milagros

Here lies Olga

Here lies Manuel

who died yesterday today

and will die again tomorrow

Always broke

Always owing

Never knowing

that they are beautiful people

Never knowing

the geography of their complexion

PUERTO RICO IS A BEAUTIFUL PLACE

PUERTORRIQUENOS ARE A BEAUTIFUL RACE

If only they

had turned off the television

and tune into their own imaginations

If only they

had used the white supremacy bibles

for toilet paper purpose

and make their latino souls

the only religion of their race

If only they

had return to the definition of the sun

after the first mental snowstorm

on the summer of their senses

If only they

had kept their eyes open

at the funeral of their fellow employees

who came to this country to make a fortune

and were buried without underwears

Juan

Miguel

Milagros

Olga

Manuel

will right now be doing their own thing

where beautiful people sing

and dance and work together

where the wind is a stranger

to miserable weather conditions

where you do not need a dictionary

to communicate with your people

Aqui Se Habla Espanol all the time

Aqui you salute your flag first

Aqui there are no dial soap commericals

Aqui everybody smells good

Aqui tv dinners do not have a future

Aqui the men and women admire desire

and never get tired of each other

Aqui Que Paso Power is what's happening

Aqui to be called negrito

means to be called LOVE

by Tiny/PoorNewsNetwork

"NO Cuts to the poorest people in the State"....Their faces.. thousands of faces the color of wheat, chocolate, carmel and charcoal, a map of the earth etched into their determined gaze. Their Bodies, thousands of bodies; in wheelchairs, on canes, walkers and stretchers. Their voices; pleading, demanding, chanting and resisting, "No cuts to the in home support services program!!!!

"The governor with his extremely draconian budget cuts would force over 75, 000 senior citizens and disabled folks into nursing homes or even worse,... the streets" , Luis Calderon, from the In home Support SErives Public Authority of San Francisco spoke slowly into a microphone from his wheelchair to a crowd of over two thousand people of all ages, races,cultures and abilities gathered at a protest and rally on thursday at the State building in San Francisco, "these cuts will dramatically eliminate thousands of jobs that we desperately need in the state of California"

The black-grey sky above us shifted and rumbled with each one of Luis' tremulous words, "Even worse the governors' proposed cuts will cost taxpayers much more money , by forcing seniors and disabled folks into homes it will cost taxpayers 7 times more than the program we have now- Quality home care begins at home , but the governors cuts will eliminate decades of work that have enabled seniors and disabled folks to remain in their own homes - we are asking governors to work with the legislators to find another way.... no cuts to ihhs", his voice trailed off into a soft chant that gathered the people. The crowd swelled in sync with the turbulent sky..."NO cuts to IHHS" NO cuts To IHHS"

In 2000 Gray Davis and the state legislator allocated $100 million in matching funds to defray counties' program costs. That enabled several California counties to start paying a living wage to in home support service workers. In San Francisco workers started receiving 10.10 an hour with health and dental care, in other words this became a real job for low-income people. "I have been a San Francisco home care recipient for many years, in all those years i have had many providers, most of them didn't stay with me because they couldn't afford to," Jeannie Wong, an elder disabled woman addressed the crowd, "but since the county started providing a living wage and benefits i have been able to live independently and stay at home. She ended with a plea to Schwarzenegger "Cutting our home care program is not the right way to balance our budget - save the services that save lives"

In his 2004-05 Proposed budget, Schwarzenegger has decided to make a series of very harmful cuts to poor and disabled Californians. As well as eliminating home care services which include helping folks to doctors visits, bathing, cooking, shopping and other very necessary services which enable disabled folk to stay out of institutions, he also is attempting to get rid of the law that allows counties to pay union dues and is saying to counties - if you want to unionize your workers, go ahead, but the State will not help.

"People will die and i might be one of them", A tall distinguished African-American man began speaking to the increasingly hyper crowd, "My name is Charles Stone, I am the current chair of the Santa Cruz County commission on disability and the Santa Cruz public authority commission. Let's be clear, no rich people will die from these budget cuts, only the poorest and most needy. The first horror of these cuts is the elimination of the residual care program, if you or someone in your family is disabled the state will pay you to take care of them, Schwarzenegger wants to completely eliminate that program. Mr Stone went on to relate A University of California study recently revealed that the proposed cuts would actually cost more than they propose to save, i.e. the Medical program would end up paying $43,000 per person per year. He ended by pointing out that the basis of the cuts are to completely eliminate the Counties' "Public Authorities" i.e., the agency that administrates the in-home support service workers.

The faces drew together, filling the sidewalks, pouring into the streets, screaming into the liquid sky,"No Budget Cuts to IHHS.... KEEP our People Out of the institutions.. NO Budget Cuts to the poorest people in California"

by Joe B.

Steady State Lives

Last time which I babbled about the half century mark and how its different for me and my generation as it will be for those coming up behind me if they survive their individual journeys taken to be there.

People reaching 50 and beyond know more than I what lies in store whether its paying less for money, bus-train rides or cruise ships jaunts.

There are perks to getting old but one better take care of themselves while getting there or they may have chronic pain,crippling disease or the dread wasting of mind malady of Alzheimer’s the last I do want to avoid with vengeance.

I’m no science whiz but if life extension began on microscopic scale of a few human’s living slightly different to radically altering their life styles.

My example is thinking I could achieve real immortality by drinking a bottle of Morgan David wine after eating spearmint gum.

It didn’t work but if it did how would know at 24 or 25 I still looked 14 at the time.

There is lightheaded- ness,feeling sick and knowing I would not experiment with my life that way ever again.

A "Steady State" life span is the technical Western equivalent of Eastern Guru’s do with their mind.

Yogi’s can slow or speed up their heart at will,A Biofeedback machine helps westerners achieve a yogis’ mastery over their mental and physical states.

In truth Biofeedback has not been used to see what the human brain can do or how far our minds can traverse the interior or exterior of our mental and physical selves.

Steady State is the western flips side of eastern mysticism only applied science is thrown in to test for accuracy instead of pure faith.

If one could if only slightly delay,retard,or stop aging for a year it means little but to be on the same regimen for 10,20,or 30 or more years then one can see where this leads.

This isn’t immortality but the first faltering steps onto life extension.

Now think of a yearly regimen done for 5,10,to 20 years.

A person may have stopped aging but if will continue if and when the regimen is dropped going further there is enough knowledge gained so people can delay,retard,or stop aging for a full 50 years or more?

Its still no where near immortality though time has slowed for this person as others age normally or what we use to think as normal.

Now,stay with me folks, think of reversing the process year by year for 20 to 50 years or more as science and technology catches up with our genome and science is able to replace bad genes with good ones and later have improved man or woman made genes,cybernetics and nanotechnology.

As with Cryonics [Freeze body after death for revival in a future when science can revive them in their original body,improve that body or have a newer improved cloned version ready for full brain or the electrochemical identity of the formally dead into a better genetically longer lasting body.)

I know,"this guy’s already approaching senility,hogwash and bull droppings."

To that I say you might be right but are you absolutely sure tomorrow will be the same as to day,that the next decade or so will be as it always is? Remember nuclear weapons,radio,CD’s,PC’, laptops,palm pilots,cell phones,VCR’s,and DVD’s we’re always with us.

If your like me there’s little time to argue all one can do is find out ways to find their own regimens of stead state or the Ying/Yang balance points of body,mind, spirit,and soul.

Health practitioner’s have written books, gone on PBS to inform people of paradigm shifts in health care and preventive medicine.

Prevention is obviously a better way to go than being sick and paying to stay well.

For all those out there seeing clearly you know it everyone for themselves at some point health care is individual if not job related or by disease jumping from animal, insects,mutating to human hosts.

For those that comes to late they do need help from medical professions but for those of us on the fence its time to get off and take care of ourselves as best we can until our combined world wide applied sciences can take care of all the people equally.

As for Governments, Multinational Corporations,the bottom line is sick,tired, overworked employees cannot be competitive asset only healthy ones with minds that are rewarded for innovative strategies keeps business on leading edge of competition.

I have a more ideas but they may seem radical now soon it’ll make sense or sound so now.

1)Who can build the safest,quickest way into space,carve homes and fueling bases for military/commercial space ships governments or private sector?


2) I propose a race around the moon,mars,the sun the winner sets up mining on moons, asteroids,planetoid rocks.


3)The ultimate race on earth is two fold best cryobiology revival and best applied sciences around the world to create our birthright from life extension to immortality.
(Immortality is the prize) and that is appropriate immortality (that is,no immortal infants,toddler’s,12 to 18 year olds but hormonally, genetically balanced so rejuvenation,regeneration is also possible and that the process is reversible (I know later it won’t be but in our early days it is).

I hope you can add to this way more than I so the road to Utopia can begin on a less rocky clime,you know the drill folks,tell me what ‘cha got.


Donations C/0 Poor Magazine

1448 Pine Street #205

San Francisco, CA 94103

Snail or Email Joe at:

PO Box 1230 #204

Market St.

San Francisco,CA 94102

Email: askjoe@poormagazine.org

by Joe B.

Which to do, Comedy,Sing or both?

Yeah,it’s the not yet 50 guy yammering again, so don’t listen,get of the site already if you’re no longer interested in someone else’s thought farts.

In a few months it’ll be over and I’ll be 5-0 (not the popular Hawaiian cop show with Mr. Jack Lord piled high hair;no a chronological turning of one’s biological age.

After that I may fall into another career if I can sing,or do comedy trouble is which with both timing is key but an audience and performer can have bad days no matter how good each are.

As for singing if one has great pitch,good ear, and can project their voice interpreting or reinterpreting old or new songs the crowd will take notice,people know when someone is trying their best even if they suck bad.

I always wanted to see if I can really sing but in my past my throat was speared in Frick High School back in the late 1969’s or early 70’s.

It felt and looked worse than it was and yes it was a revenge from another kid who embarrassed my by pulling my gym shorts down glad I was wearing short instead a jockstrap.

Mama enrolled me and later my younger brother Solomon to learn some Martial Arts.

After a few weeks it began to feel great minus an accidental hand and toe to the testicle both time its by the same girl surviving that I practice blocking hits there and elsewhere.

Anyway my gym shorts pulled down as a joke.

Training takes over as I rabbit punched the guy twice quickly in the mouth.

Gum in his mouth gets stuck in his mouth and he begins choking.

Did I care,not at all as I walked of the green field letting the guy choke.

A few Weeks later I’m outside when I saw a wheeled cart headed at me with great speed I ran but not fast enough.

Its weighted down with weights,tied with ropes.

Tripped slipped and as I fell before hitting the ground the dull edged part of a post–the part buried underground for bars that can be see below or above for people poll vaulting.

A red,bloody looking horror I was the power of speech dramatically lost for months.

To this day I don’t know what that did to my voice box,trachea,or how it may have altered my voice if I did try to sing.

I’ve been it the Hotel Utah before it was bought, during the troubles of Bob-o-matic and a tight community of people creating a floating Utah and then at the I-Can owned by a fella named Simpson,who I had thought was the creator of the multi-player game The Sims.

He’s an artist, musician,poet,and sometime comedian and owner of the I-Can that was for a time a comfortable niche for a rootless Hotel Utah.

I did my demented comedy and worse sing song in the I-Can.

The recent move back to its roots revitalized all the people there.

It there I did a horrible rendition of an Alice Cooper Classic "Only Women Bleed"

I was about to give up on singing until while ridding myself of spam saw an ad for some reality show.

After calling the lady on the email I decided to give singing another chance with all I can muster because my comedy is really not as honed as I would like it but I need so when singing acappella. (without musical accompaniment)

What I hope and gamble on is that the purity of spirit,off all the pent up beauty,rage,honesty, integrity,and realism of one person doing something out their normal element can be seen through and appreciated.

If it does not work at least it’s a regret I won’t be looking back on.

My other ideas House Sitter bussiness,to be in or write skin flicks, learning to be a professional Masseur on a cruise ship and later in with my own business and teaching also.

I still would like be a courier if I can.

I know lots of dis similar occupations but for me they seem to blend but if I had to give up one it would be the porn movie since I haven’t gotten into it as yet.

Thing is as I get older the thought of being see as a dirty old man throbbing young girls is appealing only if I’m a fully functional old guy.

Here’s how I see it-its one thing to be smutty talking old guy who cannot back up his ‘rep but if I’m a healthy,fully functioning dirty old man with young girls and women who will vouch for me then

I don’t mind the title.

Because if one is to be a dirty old,nasty man or woman then one has to take care of the old ‘bod so as to be a challenge to all those youthful horny and horny mature woman that are also up to having absolutely dirty,raunchy, fun without the problem of "He/She died as we were about to…

Anyway I some plans and one of them is to be a fully functioning dirty old man, after all someone needs to show innocent virginal youth and mature women who didn’t have a chance in their youth a way of healthy,physical, and emotional relief.

All I’m doing is repaying many women who’ve helped me on my way to manhood and I should be able to do the same for fems with as much professionalism as one should for such delicate potentially embarrassing situations.

Don’t get me wrong I could never be a gigolo because I only have the wit,intelligence, sensitivity,creative spark,and natural endurance which I intend to build on but as for looks,languages, and higher graces of the gigolo sadly I’ll never fit the profile besides I like women too much to charge them for a priceless gift of themselves even if many think it no big deal I’ll always believe in the natural sacredness of entwined bodies in emotional,sensual synchronized,balance.

Slavery was,is,and remains a blood stain on the human psyche.

Off course it there is anything human,humane, and humorous it would be that then people went how one looked outside.

Imagine a scrawny, short male sold to a widow woman because he looked like if he was mated with any slave women the children would turn out like him short,scrawny, seemingly week.

The surprise to the 24 year old (old maid) that the cheap labor bought on the farm where she is sole owner possesses a powerhouse of small stature not small passions then she and he are going at it in the stable, kitchen, and finally hidden in her bed.

She’s radiant, youthful, and she knows why and when people want to ‘borrow her hired hand for back breaking work its

'No,I'm need him on my farm,he's weak and but works well on this small farm.

Lets call her Lorain and the male slave Tate.

No one must know that Tate ‘works Lorain awfully well before work,some during and lots after.

I won’t go into pregnancy but plain old-maid Lorain's lover isn’t so scrawny and weak he could be one of Mr. Ray Victory’s unknown ancestors.

[Ray Victory] is one a few black male actors in porn film industry he and a few other I’ve watched along with a lady friend across the bay but we’ve never seen the end of those films because watching those flicks leads to %^#@!!-lots of %^#@!! :-].

People haven’t changed all that much I myself could be Tate’s relative also.

My build is mesomorphic is that I am short, stocky,well muscled with a layer or two of fat around the belly and a prominent behind.

As a youngster I’m skinny and light weight guy when older and learned about exercise then I learned that my body responded building me up adding musculature I wished I was able to keep it up but life changes I gained weight but I’ve learned it can go if I really work at it and as for women…

They are the ones staring at me when I am blinded by others(men)saying girls will never like or touch you and some didn't.

Rejection lasted until it came to me though my face isn’t handsome marred by a left lazy eye but my body is likable and I’ve never been so glad to have a sense of humor about myself and others.

I was changed by my first sexual experience even though it disconnected me from my faith (a married lady in a congregation seduced me, we were never caught,no violent confrontation followed but I felt guilty(huge mortal sin) adultry one of God's chosen daughter's!

I lost faith for a time however other kind women gave it back to me with their kindness,words, wisdom,and bodies I couldn’t fault myself or anyone for being human and falling in lust,love,and passion.

I still am susceptible to women’s eyes,ears, lips,thinking, expressions,touch,anger, voice,and physical nearness its an achingly greatful desire I have the other sex and trying to suppress it hurts me more when I try.

Having female friends can be agony when they don’t realize how beautiful they naturally are and worse when they do.

As for myself I still don’t see myself as having a good body but a few women and young girls have eye me sideways and I get a glimpse of women’s constant male gaze upon her.

I’ve been in desperate need of… love and there are times I feel it is what my life’s struggle is for that one soul but if that is not to be a longer life,with women as good and dear friends,lover’s passing through it or both.

One day maybe after a few centuries I can truly say I have love but for now its equally a strong attraction.

Can a women and men beside as elderly people be friends and lover without consuming each other?

I’ll find that out on this long road.

Women,Men,boys,girls, young adults,everyone from every spectrum of Peoples; what’s motivates or means love to you?


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by Joe B.

Bio-Chrono,I Explain

Last time I went talked of deep abiding like of women because I couldn’t say love yet adding maybe in a few hundred years (Goddess and God) willing I’ll know enough of the feminine psyche to not run into so many of the opposite sex that have a smoldering hate of the male which I couldn’t help being part of.

Also there was writings of biological and chronological processes that may help me achieve an if not impossible but improbable goal.

For me women have both been waking nightmare and living breathing angels when they looked beyond the surface of this male’s deformed looks (wandering lazy eye) as I’ve said I was glad their were wars that disfigured,maimed, men though being killed is what mostly happens surviving war can be a long harrowing process.

Men born whole then by job injury,accident elsewhere in youth or in war return changed out or inside and must adjust to how people see them the most difficult for them are with women known or unknown to them judging them on looks appearance along.

Girl friends may leave, wives divorce or strangers avoid eye contact it is difficult to be rejected by something that happened them in youth,by accident, or war.

I didn’t go through war but my own facial features made it a problem because young girls,women expect to see good looking men to compliment their own good looks.
"Wonder looking Couple, they’re great looking together" as oppose to what does he or she see in him or her?

Sometimes I’ve though God made me with a correctable flaw that I young to understand and so missed looking as other people do.

My lazy eye flaw tells everyone as with cancer, or terminally obese that we human’s aren’t the paragons of animals we’d like to believe.

On the other side it was girls and women not men who help me through those lonely,angry,youth while guys used every opportunity to cut me away from them so I wouldn’t compete.

The Goddess gave me intuition,gift of gab, sensitivity,and a budding though slow to show gregarious outgoing personality and more a pleasing form if not face.

"If he cannot be perfect of face then he’ll be interesting and likable" it seems that’s the Goddess or Goddesses gift so it would not be complete hell it God plays it rough while Goddesses tempered what trials with imagination,wit,mother wit and courage to face what I must which had been constant rejection from her mortal sister’s wrath of being fashioned with flawed facial image.

Now on to time and life.

Time’s inexorable pull on us year by year as we bend lower coming closer to death if not final then temporary rest.

Life on the other hand fights time with all its might never giving in to the so called inevitable which is only such it life gives up.

Biology can beat time not by fighting it but using its system of retarding,slowing, reversal,and rejuvenation.

Not being a physicist, research scientist,or theorist reader may take everything said with a grain of salt.

We’ve all heard of children,men,women, animals,or someone’s beloved pet falling through ice and being quick frozen by the extreme cold and revived with little or no brain damage.

That’s time preserving bio signs by suspending it slowing the beating of a heart nerves and breathing to zero or close to it.

What I’m thinking is can one by eating, exercise,and lots of help from research scientists, nutritionists,and others in the life extension field could help slow or retard aging.

Now if a person could do this for a year actually suspend their biological time while chronological time moves it may be possible to be our own chronological clocks!

Time becomes superfluous because it’s the biological time that’s more important.

Say one absolutely stops or delays time for 1 year then 2?

Chronological time has moved while biological time has not.

Now say 2 years becomes 5,7 to bigger leaps of 10, 20,30,years of bio suspended time while alive and not waiting to return after death when and if science finds way of bringing the frozen dead back to life.

If one could while alive enable themselves to age-stop their personal time for maybe 50 years or so then chronological time begins to mean absolutely nothing to a you a bio-entity.

Of course one has to stick with the regimen for decades unless could gather the knowledge and have a full century of stopped time.

What’s Next?

Reversing aging slowly as chronological time moves one so now one isn’t only stopping their aging but also reversing it as well.

Sounds like fantasy and it remain so if people don’t try this option as well as others at our disposal.

Ok,so said person or person’s as test subjects have stopped and reversed their personal aging confounding friends, family,and themselves.

If needs an economic component lets say the longer and healthier people live the less strain on all medical fields and shows that America is still literally a land of dreams because where else do a people actually believe they can not only cheat time they beat time as well.

After a century of course some interior and exterior body parts have to be replaced by therapeutic cloning,some nano bio-bots forever keeping human systems healthy,merging with virus’s symbiotically keeping the safe from within.

No one is immortal yet just life extended longer than before.

If these people and others continue on this way immortality could be there’s long before their sleep freeze brothers and sisters awaken to they resume or live their lives anew.

Think about if there is no physical way of stopping,reversing biological time then Cryonics is away but if can do the above… it seems to me it should also be tried as another option.

I’ve always thought the first immortals are among us trying out wit,cheat, beat,liberate themselves from the narrow constraints of linear time.

I don’t know if I’m of that number but I do know it will take more than money,genius,luck, providence,science,or fate to make life extension and eventual immortality a reality it will take all of us globally using our unique talents,faults, grace,love of life to wrestle our way out of mortality.

I believe we will though it will take a tremendous effort because it is something we’ve never done before.

We all know just because something has not been done doesn’t mean it never will.

Becoming long lived species as death is a wake up call,if death may be a way of slowing down then life extension is our species alarm and immortality is our "stay up and awake" phase.

A few of us can rest and won’t die from it but for the rest of it’ll a time multiple levels of self explorations.

That’s my take on time and life of biology and chronology.

I have an idea on the android/human debate and how both species if androids become walking, self aware beings independent of their human creator’s.

Any grade or high school child knows the answer to that problem if they think a little.

Tell Joe what you think.

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by Joe B.

2 For 1 Column Day

Today is a special [I know,"you’ve written long columns before Joe."]

True in the past 3-4, even 6 pages long or more this time its on purpose an not an accident of prose overflow.

The first is about the recent "Poor People’s Congress" From P.O.W. E.R. [People Organized to Win Employment Rights

It is a mass meeting of the above and other like minded organizations sick and tired of getting the shit end of San Francisco.

On Saturday,April. 17, 2004 the meeting began late but you know brown ‘n black bro’s and sister’s are first we meet,talk, catch up on each other, friends,and family are stomach and thirst then we concentrate on real serious business of worker rights for all.

A slide show from of Early Barbary Coast’s (S.F.) wild west past how emigrants from Aisans, Mexico,Original American’s,Blacks,Whites, and Pan Pacific Islander’s from the late the mid 1800’s (19th century and early 20th century help create the City we know and some of us love today.

But everyone of these worker’s time and again are given a raw deal as their communities became poorer while the blood, sweat,and toil meant profit and opulent wealth for those on Nob Hill, Pacifica,and other wealth communities.

A vote on a platform to give the majority of working people in this city a say in what happens in their lives and not to forced out when rents sky rocket because of reckless speculation, greedy real estate developers,and equally greedy land lords wanting convert their building into profit making loft or office building complexes not from any problem caused by tenants but for how much green to be made.

Mult lingual chants, a food break,question and answer, and play on how P. I.C.[Private Industry Council] playing politics with lives of single adults and families.

Next a call for to spread involvement into an unstoppable movement to create real affordable housing not the oxymoron it means now.

Questions and Comments were next followed by a two man rap group I’ve forgotten but their four songs though all were deep and makes you think.

Myself fell in and out of sleep sitting comfortably in the basement of Boniface Church.

It was an uplifting event which will grow because too many people and families middle income and less are shafted out of their fair share.

By 2:20 my second black bean and rice,taco,carrot cake, and grape juice lunch was done its time to bid ado to return home before returning the digital data machine, mikes,wire and bag they came in back to Poor Magazine on the same night that day.

All I say is there’s to many fed up,intelligent, poor folks out of work and they have lots idle time figuring out solutions to most of the problems they have not cause but are constantly scape-goated for and whatever befalls the silk hatted, Champaign,Caviar,bunch (though most mind you are innocent doing everything to help their fellow working,low waged San Franciscan’s)

For those guilty of corruption and grievous gobbling of excess money not really needed by folks who’ve already are wealthy as can be.

Got any ideas out there?

Hard working women, men,and families need all the help against forces arrayed against them.

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by Joe B.

A Personal Quest

Well,folks a second column for the unseen public who are not able to write me because of excess spam may some of you get through someway,somehow, so dialog(s) can begin.

I remember reading Ann Fairbairn’s Five Smooth Stones about Joseph Champlin and his growing up from the early 1930’s through the 40’s,1950’s, and ‘60’s it is a book worth reading and pondering on but like Flower’s For Algernon the ending is too hard to take and I could never read those two books again.

Both Charlie and Joseph go struggle succeed only to fail one because of a chemical that a turns Charlie from a slow retarded man into a genius only to return back to his state of slow wittedness.

Joseph,an intelligent, sensitive,college educated young man falls in love with a white woman despite his friends and family he commits to marriage because he does love this woman and she returns his love.

A child is born and at a pivotal moment Joseph after an accident causing him to walk with a slight limp he again faces a civil rights orientated situation which doesn’t end well.

I am tired of Rainbow(Caucasians) included but mostly non white’s dying to live first for their rights, then for money,fame.

We have been dying shedding blood in war,by police,chased,de-balled, chard alive,chased like animals by mobs,KKK,or just for fun following their father’s teachings.

Isn’t time we as men stop setting our selves up as targets for hunting.

Bad enough we have a history of being set up by police to end up behind bars.

As a Black Man approaching 50 venturing though youth most girls ignored me,kept me at arms length which saved me during the late 70’s and 80’s before I knew about AIDS.

I met a few women learning about care, jealousy,and break us.

Finally a long term relationship with a lovely,sensuous,serious minded Black Woman and a friendship with a younger one completed a long process of delayed growing up.

My life has been difficult but not really as troubled as some of my brother’s and sister’s I see damaged women and men and wonder if I’ll ever be faithful married man to the woman who chose me as hers soul mate for life.

A low wage job,on Section 8,in the sometimes dangerous Tenderloin area of Market Street in San Francisco is not what most woman think of as date/mate material.

Even being in the City taints me as other than heterosexual even though my original home is New York,near the Bronx, Queens,and Park Avenue then moving to Oakland and Berkeley California or visa versa and while homeless learning silk screening,painting, environmentalart,and photography gave so may directions its difficult following one.

At this point I’m thinking of a longer span of life I owe it to myself to live,love,experience, as long as possible but the radical thing for me is see if it is possible to slow down and reverse my own aging process first struggling on my own then with help of Gerontology. Most people live their lives either quietly, adventurous,or inbetween I would really would like to try this way of living, has it been done before surely yes, but now if I had help from the government and followed some of they dictates minus too little sex. (I’ve done that already) I would like a small stipend and there should be others doing the same as I.

What would be the purpose of this living longevity study?

How about living longer and the results published so many more people can do the same but not under government care as we guinea pigs.

First as now I’ll struggle along giving up most of the foods, desserts,meats,all that cause to age the interior of the body,deep mental techniques,exercises to help further reverse maybe rejuvenate tissues throughout the body.

Later if a year then 2,3,up to 5 happens more will be possible until there is a limit then some cloning replacement parts, as the process of de-aging continues and some if not all of become younger there will be sexologist’s testing us further or our girlfriends,wives may do the honors checking on our complete sexual functioning.

It sounds science fictional but I’m starting now because there is no time like the present to go for this after all life should be enjoyed to its fullest and want more life for its fullest enjoyment.

If I succeed alone well its only I who’ll benefit but if the government or a life extension cartel with vast amount of knowledge can help then it speeds the way for everyone.

So,people,this is my quest and I don’t think I’m fighting windmills but it will take others doing the same thing to see what I’m about.

For the rest of you thinking me completely cracked even if I learn to slow,delay,and reverse my personal aging process.

If I can do it exactly the same way 50,60,70,or 80,times all it means is by 2030,40,or 2074,2084,I might not be an immortal that’s not the aim.

The aim is to simply be alive and healthy.

My other question is where will you reader’s be?

That’s it,my two columns,email or snail mail me especially Life Extension and Immortalist organizations.

Please tell where I can find studies on how to best do this self experiment without harming my self. Thank You



Donations C/0 Poor Magazine

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San Francisco,CA 94103

Snail or Email Joe at:

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Email: askjoe@poormagazine.org

by Joe B.

Fake Wombs,Two Mom’s And Zero Dad’s

Between experimental artificial wombs of 2000 and today’s "Males need not apply" at the lower page in the middle of the ever shrinking "The Examiner Weekly newspaper I’m wonder if both sexes have it wrong?

Its seems if men are redundant for pumping out trillions of gallons of spermatozoa that women can extract without flesh on flesh pleasure principle for procreation fake womb renders women as redundant.

I still maintain women and men are both equally brilliant and a the same time profoundly stupid.

Girls think quicker, better verbal,emotional intelligence until about 14 it may be 10 now its when they think of boys but its not the ones learning applied sciences, literature,or into politics its jocks,body builder’s,flashy ones with cars they go ga ga over.

It may take a decade or so until they are tired of being mistreated, disrespected,emotionally, and physically.

Boys take longer growing out of awkwardness some remain so we go for the too early ample girls with breasts and backs
( buttocks) teasing them mercilessly making them feel like freaks just as boys too skinny,tall,fat, are girls and boys are cruel in they’re desperate way of fitting in indeed its one of the only times where true individualism rings somewhat hollow.

As with men they find years later how petty, mean,idiotic they were.

So as to which of our species fem or men is superior/inferior of the other is really illogical because as if science and technology has its way both men and fem’s will make ourselves so redundant that may be artificial fem’s and men will take over real men and women as we continue stupidly argue who’s the best sex.

Women are as corruptible as men I say that knowing the pure human motive beyond sex roles.

Some women in power have shown it already through out time.

Ladies,look up your Herstory you already know His.

As for economics take whole chapter’s out of males books just add your own penmanship to it if you want change do what men do buckle down and get to work if men are stupid and can be controlled by our bio–physical urges then for Goddess sake use what you know to gain access and power then don’t be selfish with your sister’s and share it as men do when most aren’t looking.

All I see is male bashing jokes with no power behind it and though some women’s perfect men are gingerbread and snowmen there are many perfect men out there one may be for you and not others and there lies the answer,there are perfect men for those women who love what they have and stop trying to change what they have and for those who’ve found their mates don’t share secrets with your friends and family especially bedroom and the odd problem ones.

One thing about turning 50 its no in crowd worries, one can be him or her self without friends buzzing telling you what’s cool everyone can be cool as they want to be.

My odd little quest is seeing how long I can live in great health while delaying,slowing, stopping,and reversing my aging process that’s my personal adventure and it’s a multi disciplinary aspects before there was friends,school,limited travel,girls,women, bumming around in California,trade schools, surviving homelessness, more learning,political organization (not I) a fuzzed up,blurry future that has come into clear focus.

I do not know where life extensions road will lead may be a short one but if not let’s say I’ll be around choosing whatever it means to live in changing times.

One thing it will take long to find out is if inserting other species after getting them human compatible would be very interesting what our human imagination would come with.

I’m not completely void of happenings outside my personal sphere.

A great neighborhood beat cop both young folks and adults connected with is ambushed and killed of course ‘Thin Blue Line ranks close wanting justice on Officer Isaac Espinoza’s behalf his family and the force as a whole but the "2000 cops strong" attitude only means it was 2001 and going half cocked can whittle down their number one by one or in groups.

Death Penalty For Cop Killer’s is what Mr. Gary Delagnes,Police Union says he and the rank and file officers want.

A snag is D.A. Kamala Harris Ideologically opposed to capital punishment Harris has ruled out the death penalty for life with out parole for David Hall.

Police Chief Heather Fong is also want death for Davis,no revelation there.

Lots of innocent people have been railroaded and have been freed chemical death after being on death row for years that’s torture enough for years snatched away for fitting profiles.

Prosecutors and cops ego’s on the line bent on legal killing what they truly thought a guilty turns innocent.

All I say is if it’s a federal crime to kill law enforcement officer the same should be for "accidental, righteous shoots of citizen’s. Police face mostly deadly paperwork with high moments of excitement in the heat of car or on-foot hot pursuit of suspects.

If a cops life is worth an automatic death sentence then innocent lives taken should afford cops automatic trip to the death chamber without possibility of life behind bars.

Yeah, cops want know they are not beyond law, no freebie shooting at suspects with hands up weaponless,or suspicious looking objects such as wallets,pens,or deadly glowing cell phones. Folks it better to buy bullet proof vests that covers everything and have it light enough so you can run when weapons are aimed and shaking.

Target practice is normal in ghetto,barrios, reservation,there ‘po folks walking unarmed is like a free duck shoot to cops.

Its way past time to arm ourselves when law enforcement is literally the enemy! Learn gun safety,martial arts (you may have to register guns but keep unarmed combat to yourself it may save you if the psychological advantage is yours.

Police are enshrined gun toting legalized gangs with powers of life and death but as we’ve sadly seen even the good one fall because to harassed citizen’s are weary of all cops.

Until there are more humane instruction most interaction with police are potentially deadly the wild west,north,east,and south are still around only its wares gray,blue uniforms and see everyone outside of uniform as other,not them, in a us vs. them mentality.

Be careful folks they still play slave catcher even though slaves no longer exist in America.


Donations C/0 Poor Magazine

1448 Pine Street #205

San Francisco,CA 94103

Snail or Email Joe at:

PO Box 1230 #204

Market St. 94102

San Francisco, CA 94102

Email: askjoe@poormagazine.org