Story Archives

by Joe B.

Revelation & Armageddon, Ready To Rise Up? I AM.

For a couple days I’ve been listening to radio, TV, and overhearing conversations on busses about the Middle Easter Conflict between Palestinian Refugee’s and the Israeli Government.

Bloodshed and the biblical portents or signs this means to all religions globally.

Me, raised as Roman Catholic cannot help see this conflict like a whirlpool sucking in all nations in the Middle East.

American made weapons used in this slaughter. [Tanks, uniformed troops even if not an elite trained one, as a occupying force with superior arms going up against children throwing rocks or people with small arms, massacre, overkill, slaughter, and genocide come to mind.]

The Anti Christ is suppose to be roaming the earth gathering people and power I know he’s not Clinton, G.W. Bush Jr., Cheney, Al Gore.

On second thought Mr. Gore is brilliant but mega quality charisma is not his strong suit though he may have seen this if not the world changing September, 9-11 tragedy.

I’m not an agnostic, atheist, [thanks for the assist Ms. Estrada].

More of a lapsed Catholic who still believes in the tenet biblically and of course just in case the
"Rapture" [The call of living, ill and dead rising skyward into heaven’s kingdom before tribulations fall on those still on earth who’ll have horrors undreamed but prophesied many holy works besides the holy bible]

When it looks like or feels "Last Days" time I want and need to be sure that even if I’m not one the lucky ones rising that if I die or survive the coming bloody horrors on earth there's still a chance for me to be enfolded in the lord’s hands.

Reading the bible is not my favorite activity - science fiction, fiction, adventure, some autobiography and other interests are uppermost but all that pales in comparison to EndWorld, Left Behind scenario’s.

I speak and believe life extension e-immortality by scientific means however if we human’s are on The Eternal’s time clock [One of God’s days = a thousand years to us].

I don’t want to be the ultimate unluckiest person or persons ending up in Hades, Satan’s realm eternally tortured.

Arafat and others trapped in a complex somewhere in the soldier occupied encampments.

To me its a systematic killing ground.

Think of the West Bank Occupied over 30 years with soldiers granted car bombs, small arms, and booby trapped areas have maimed, killed, and wounded civilians and soldiers alike but protection turns into terror tactics.

Tanks, soldiers, weapons, in neighborhoods happened all over the inner cities in America from New York, Watts in Los Angeles, Chicago, Detroit, nearly any and everywhere the population is non-white, speaking another language police may not live in the area but can quickly mobilize to occupy area’s in question for weeks or months at a time.

In Palestinian Encampments soldiers are an occupying force with the power of life and death, torture, or freedom, and if there is a history of hate between occupation troops and occupants.

In America the Police’s "To Serve And Protect" is the motto unfortunately in
our inner cities of America its no longer just people of color, ethnic group, age ranges that are seen as a problem but anyone not warring the uniform are seen as "prey" to hunt, chase, torture, kill, or let go to chase again.

Even police themselves out of uniform are deemed as "alien" that’s one of many reason’s why police kill brother officers (Friendly Fire) out of uniform and working undercover.

In America’s suburbs of modest homes, picket fences, children, dogs, cars, and next door neighbors police are seen as protectors, citizen soldiers doing danger and perilous jobs defending the right of the public. (which is at times) hazardous and lethal.

Just as Firemen/women, in many dangerous kinds of occupations can end in death.

Israeli’s constant occupation, arbitrary stop-arrest-torture first legitimately for self protect then as an occupying territory where people in their own homes are demonized as the enemy, non entities, and walking targets.

This sounds awfully familiar to Black, Brown, Yellow, Red, Poor Whites, and Racially Mixed folks, working poor, and houseless persons struggling with the same issue: Being seen and arbitrarily targeted as ciphers (zero’s) on the landscape, our lives in constant peril.

I could be wrong folks but what is happening way over there is so damn de ja’vu it’s scary (International language key stroke program needed)

Occupying soldiers in uniforms and plain clothed citizens make it easier to pick targets, except when soldier and citizen’s switch clothes then enemy, friend, or non combatants become murky.

The West Bank, where homes are destroyed, families and individuals are told to exit their homes and knowing soldier’s do lie make it difficult for an occupied people to leave homes on threat of death.

Is this the beginning of The Second Coming?" I don’t know but Synagogues, Mosques, Churches, or other hallowed places in Bethlehem, the holiest of cites under bombardment and civilians killed must sadden and anger The Eternal seeing the carnage rise.

This could give one a Messianic complex or paranoid delusional fantasies but again as a Black Roman Catholic (Woolly hair, Olive skin) hmmm.

I do hope to be lifted up and not be chosen to suffer the greatest of tests, if and when these Biblical prophecies come true.

I sincerely pray including my family, friends, strangers, and myself just so if it all does come to pass; my mortality burned away replaced by spiritualized, eternal, infinite, life on a renewed transformed earth can be my due.

I just don’t want be a lead soul or assistant soul on an endless multi-task job though if God-Goddess, Spirit needs me in that capacity, for an eternity; who am I to say no?

If I did refuse I’d become assistant demon to the head of Hades or worse

Supreme Satan the 2nd relieving Satan No. 1 from his job as Head of Evil Incorporated.

I don’t want that job, The "I’d Rather Rule In Hell, Than Serve In Heaven
[John Milton, Paradise Lost. (1608 - 1674)] I paraphrase in case it is not an exact quote.

So, life and death is settled sort of for me, I hope to live a really long life even as this mortal one is shed.

Tell me if you believe the End Times is coming and if they are what would you do to prepare? ... Bye. ?

by Lisa Gray-Garcia aka Tiny

It was early, perhaps too early – the light at the newly named daylight was thin and gray. Thick strands of night fog reached into the 6:00 am sky. My body felt cold, empty and raw. I watched normal things like wet streets and moving windshield wipers and shuddered with their strangeness. My head throbbed a steady beat. A glaze of terror racked my body.

I had felt this feeling before. Four years ago – when I was in front of my PAES (welfare) worker, Why didn’t you turn in your month-end report?" She demanded.

"It was an accident, I was sick – the form was only one day late" She wasn’t looking at me anymore.

"We are sanctioning you for not getting that form in on time, you won’t receive your benefits for this month" I couldn’t cry – or even scream, for fear the security guard stationed at the door would drag me out of the building within seconds.

"Ok", I whispered.

On this day, four years later, I rode towards the offices of POOR Magazine, a non-profit grassroots organization dedicated to providing media access, art, advocacy and education to very low and no-income folks. I was one of the very low-income folks who founded and organized POOR., and now acted as executive director and Co-editor. Yet I was still on welfare. As a very small organization with leadership comprised of very low-income youth and adults, we as an organization were on welfare and I was on my way to a meeting where the entire organization would be sanctioned.

The stakes were higher now – it was our whole budget. The POOR staff had developed a very innovative Job creation program that paid folks a living wage who (like a lot of us) were transitioning from welfare to work and wanted to work in the fields of media and multimedia. Our belief at POOR is welfare to work should mean welfare to WORK, and include training in something that actually enriches the person on welfare. After several months of development community support and lobbying , we had finally attained a referral based contract approved through the San Francisco Department of Human Services (DHS) which would be administered through the Private Industry Council (PIC). And of course even though it was dangerous as a funding source due to the illogical nature of bureacracy and funding, we all felt we were already "at-risk". And finally, how else could any of this even happen, without the DHS contract. Noone had any funding. We were just a bunch of idealistic poor folks trying to organize, trying to be heard!!

Unfortunately as many of the other smaller organizations noted when funding was finally granted through DHS, The Individual Referral contract we were granted was a very minimal contract at best. It offered no actual dollars unless people were referred to your program. And as we found out later , DHS would make it VERY difficult for anyone to actually get a referral to our program. The referral process, replete with the regular bureaucratic hoops included yet another additional level of hoops. And if anyone was persistent enough to make it through those hoops they could look forward to DHS Jobs assessors who would actually discourage them from joining our program and name our program as not as good as the "Other" programs. Interesting to note, most of these "others" happened to be ones that graduated you out into the work world in a matter of weeks, to get a "job" any job and therefore didn’t cost DHS as much money.

So here we were at 9:30 sharp. The inquisition was soon to begin. Light hit the classroom at POOR in sad shadows as though it too knew the sad fate about to befall its walls. There were three representatives at the meeting; two from DHS, one from PIC. As well, three staff were present from POOR as well as two other grassroots media organizations in support of POOR’s JOBS Program; Marie Harrison, of The Bay View and Terry Messmen of Street Spirit, as they employ and/or are beneficiaries of the JOBS Program. The moment was thick with discomfort.

The DHS/PIC group were somewhat put off by the other attendees and asked them to leave, as this was a monitoring meeting (read: sanction mtg.) Terry and Marie ( who helped create the JOBS proposal) insisted that they were integral to the program and were finally allowed to remain until the "monitoring" began.

After that issue was sort of resolved, I began by stating clearly, " POOR has already paid out their almost non-existent money to the participants' wages and as of yet have not received the reimbursement that PIC is contracted to give us."

The representative from PIC replied by saying clearly, "As soon as I get back to my office, I will send those invoices through" I breathed a sigh of relief as we had invoiced for those wages 9 days ago and as of yet received nothing even though we paid wages in good faith. After I resolved that the meeting officially began by the media partners voicing strong support for the program. Questions were asked of them about how they knew of the participants et al. They answered every question, thoroughly and emphatically.

"This is a great program, there is no other journalism training that does the things POOR does," Terry Mesmen, began an extensive testimonial in favor of the interns and graduates of POOR’s JOBS in the Media Program.

"I refer my upcoming writers to this organization – as it does a much better job at training in journalism that several formal journalism programs…." Marie Harrison began a long statement which encompassed several parts of the program design

They asked more questions, "What encompasses the internship duties at your publication"

"There are several duties, including writing, reporting….", Marie went on in great detail as to the kind of things involved in a media assignment from the Bay View and how that comes through Community Newsroom at POOR.

Yet oddly enough as though it had never been addressed, 20 minutes later they asked again. "What does an intern do?"

And so the day went. Whenever a moment of clarity would be attained, it would get buried in another hour of some kind of new version of the same question which would lead to yet another twisted "question" until a new version of the question would finally transcend into a "problem" or "discrepancy"

The questioning continued for four more hours. The entire day culminated with the PIC/DHS staff "meeting" (read: cornering, intimidating) with participants in the JOBS
Program, all of whom are current welfare recipients who are attempting to achieve success and hope through media and multi-media, and in fact one of the JOBS participants made a dire misstep in one of her responses to their questions out of confusion and stated that internship time was mixed with class room time. That was it. We now officially had Discrepancies.

After four and a half hours were over. All three "representatives" headed out. I went after them and with the last bit of energy left in me, repeated my query, " So we will expect those reimbursements for the participant wages this afternoon, right?"

" Oh yes, as soon as soon as I get back to the office"

I watched them descend the stairs. It won’t be long, I thought before the inquisition "findings" will be official, I knew just like that day four years ago, something was wrong with everything we all said or did. Did POOR really ever have a chance ? maybe we just thought we did, after all… we’re all still on welfare…………

Postscript: Later that afternoon POOR staff was called by PIC staff who informed POOR that PIC would be withholding participant wages until the "findings were complete", thereby reneging on their agreement earlier that day to reimburse the participant wages already paid out by POOR Magazine to the participants.

This situation has not only had a dire impact on POOR – the organization and the very low-income staff, but also all the JOBS in the media interns seeking to be heard. If you want to voice your support for POOR's JOBS in the Media Program - please call Deputy City Attorney, Virginia Elizondo at (415) 554-4276 or Joyce Crum at Private Industry Council (415) 431-8700 and urge them to make good on their contract and reimburse POOR's wages.

by T.J. Johnston

"I'm gonna kill ya!" Spring arrived only a few hours earlier, but my vernal equinox began with a threat to my life. This being a new experience, I was a little thrown off by the verbal assault. "I'm gonna kill ya!" repeated the man. No doubt this stranger was speaking directly to me. Thank God he was shouting at me from thirty yards at Saint Francis Circle, where I was waiting for Muni.

The man in question wore bulky winter clothing and carried an equally cumbersome pack. I caught only a glimpse of a snake-style tattoo under his sleeve. I looked around to see if the other commuters were paying attention. No such luck, but I can't blame them for wanting to stay out of harm's way. I also checked for nearby men in blue: none were visible.

"I've seen you with that dog," the red-bearded stranger continued, "And I saw you in that truck. I'm gonna kill ya!" Absolutely jarring. Did this person know I used to walk dogs? Sounds plausible, but where did the truck come from? And who the hell was he to talk shit? Who was he, period?

I wasn't in the mood to refute his accusations and I am certainly unaccustomed to threats of extermination from apparently unstable people. "You must have me confused with someone else," I countered. Honestly, I didn't know what else to do. He went on his way to another bus stop. I walked further down the median. I'm not good with confrontation, especially the physical kind. So I let him walk away. Surreal as it was, the encounter lasted only a minute.

As if I didn't have enough crap in my life. The bus came, proving some public services were more reliable than others. At least I had fresh news for POOR's Community Newsroom…

There's a scene from Nick Hornby's novel, High Fidelity (it also appears in the movie starring John Cusack) where the protagonist, Rob, imagines different scenarios with a romantic rival. Like Rob, I immediately played script doctor with my bus stop scene.

SCENE 1. TJ whips out a camcorder and captures the images of his assailant. Very Norma Desmond, the crazed person plays to the camera. "I'm ready for my close-up," he says. "Now, I'm gonna kill ya!" TJ makes a run for it.

SCENE 2. TJ extends his wrist and shoots a web at his adversary, who struggles with his entanglement. A note is attached: "Courtesy of the Poor Man's Spiderman."

SCENE 3. TJ touches his earpiece. "5150 him." A team of cop cars and a padded truck speed in the perp's direction. Cops emerge, point their weapons and yell "freeze," and a now-straitjacketed perp is carted in the truck. With a smirk, TJ tells him, "Say hello to Nurse Ratched, Bubba."

SCENE 4. TJ imitates Robert Deniro in Taxi Driver. "Are you talkin' to me? There's no one else here, so you must be talkin' to me." He whips out a gun and empties it into him, just like Deniro did to the child pimp portrayed by Harvey Keitel. The local press heralds TJ as a hero defending himself against scum.

SCENE 5. A symphonic rendition of "Pop Goes the Weasel" induces TJ to act like Curly from the Three Stooges. He runs in place, slaps his head, and goes "woo-woo-woo." He then charges into him head first and beats the hell out of him. The number crescendos as TJ thrashes him about.

As writers for POOR Magazine, we represent ourselves in relationship to poverty (in my case, I describe myself as at-risk). Through POOR and the Raising Our Voices program at Media Alliance, I'm continually apprised of the plight of the indigent, the profiled, and the marginalized and their chronic subjugation. This particular person immediately lost my sympathy when he threatened me and became just another motherfucker. Call me "the liberal who just got mugged."

Admittedly, my account is subjective. Broaching the topic in Community Newsroom, I got a varied response. My colleagues inquired how I knew this person was homeless, mentally ill, and specifically targeting me. The consensus was that I acted properly in defusing the situation, and not just for my sake. One questioned the wisdom of involving police and psychiatrists. Another agreed that I had indeed been violated. Dee, one of our editors, suggested speaking to a counselor.

As I write this, I'm still attempting to make sense of this senseless act. Historically, I've had abuse heaped upon me by people who knew what they were doing and stood to gain from it. What distinguished this situation was the randomness of this occurrence, not to mention the wasted opportunity to fuck him over. It was a scene out of a Jim Thompson novel in an un-Thompsonlike neighborhood of West Portal. If I weren't already a light sleeper, I'd be downright insomniac. If this guy provokes someone more ill tempered than he, I'd enjoy it as much as "The Killer Inside Me."

by Mari/PoorNewsNetwork

About a year and half ago I was houseless. I was forced to leave where I was living and go somewhere else. But where would I go? I was truly scared of what would happen to me. Could I survive everyday? Where do I sleep? How will I eat? These questions entered my mind every second. Everyday I was in survival mode.

I had a job at the time but I was in between checks. I had just spent my last check helping pay my friend's rent so she would not be evicted. So I had no income at all. I started to lose my self physically and mentally. I would freak out in a second. My stress levels were outrageous. I was told I had high blood pressure. Things that seemed so easy for people were hard for me. Things like taking the bus, finding food, and most of all finding a place to sleep. I was constantly moving around. I was usually carrying a big bag with me where ever I went.

During a conversation with one of my friends I heard about a program called Guerrero House (G House). It is a transitional living program for houseless youth between the ages of 18-23. I would be provided with food, a bed, and my own space. So I went to an orientation at G House to find out more information about the program. I met this lady Karisa. She seemed alright. The program had a lot of rules, but I thought I could follow them. So I applied to G House. I was accepted, I got on the waiting list.

During the time I was sleeping anywhere I could find the only thing that kind of helped me keep my sanity was that I was on the waiting list at G House. It gave me hope. About a month and a half wait. I moved into G House. G house was the most beautiful place I ever lived. It is a 97 year old brick mansion located in the Mission District. The garden has so many different plants. There are roses, lavendar, aloe vera, and many more plants. Our fire escape is a gray slide .There are over 13 rooms in G House.

Living at "G" (Guerrero) House, a transitional housing program for houseless youth, was very stressful and also very exciting at times. There were a lot of rules, I had curfews, expectations, and mandatory meetings. There were times I wanted to throw in the towel and leave. But I didn’t because where would I go?

About a year later, there were rumors of Larkin Street building low-income apartments for houseless youth. So I did some research and found out the rumors were true. The building was to be supportive housing for houseless youth. The day when everyone was told where to apply youth started lining up outside of TNDC to be able to apply the next morning. There were about 50 or 60 youth who slept on the street that night just so they could get the chance at housing.

I filled out my application. In fact I filled it out so fast I was number one on the waiting list. I went through like three interviews. The process was very grueling.

This last December, two days after Christmas. I got the best present ever... I got housing. I was given my very own studio with a kitchen and a bathroom. I even had my very own hallway! It was very shocking at first. It almost seemed surreal like I really didn't have any housing. It felt like someone could just take it away from me at anytime.

It has been three months now that I have lived in my studio. I feel like I have had one of the greatest opportunities in housing. I look back now and realize the only way I survived through my houselessness is because of God. She put people in my life to make sure I was taken care of. I was lucky to have supportive friends. I was lucky to find a program like G House. That is what helped me to live. If it wasn't for them and G House I would have probably died out on the streets.

by Joe B.

There have been ups and downs for a few weeks and days.

Besides personal and domestic problems with a co working contributor of POOR Magazine, the start of Resistance Awards Dinner for Individual living and deceased, a refunding hold has placed POOR Magazine’s Jobs In The Media Program/Adults and Youths at risk threatening Dee and Lisa Gray-Garcia again to being homeless.

Me, I’m Joe-of ASK JOE, HE DON’T KNOW.

Yeah, I might be on my can, out of the S.R.O. [Single Room Only/Occupantcy] playing shelter lotto (that’s winning a bed with or without dinner for the night.

I’d be lying if I said it didn’t affect me, but Joseph Bolden is replaceable/expendable by others doing a better job as office manager rather than O-Mangler that I sometimes am.

POOR MAGAZINE, ‘PO POET’S, PNN [POOR NEWS NETWORK, Computer Literacy or Digital Resistance, On-Line News, Graphics Arts, Photography, Books, tape, CD’s (Compact Disks, Young Folks and Prison On-Web Arts, Visual/Audio (Spoken Work) Protest Art.

It’s World Wide What The FUCK IS HAPPENING from poor voices globally should not be yanked arbitrary after a 4-5 hour fishing expedition looking an error and reason not to release funding to the Jobs In The Media Program.

I always thought D.H.S/P.I.C. (Department of Human Services) was to improve people’s and families lives - note the last words HUMAN SERVICES.

While the Private Industry Council [some of you readers come up with what works for you].

Or is it Dept. Of Hassle or Hustle to the any minium to sub wage job.

Is higher education, training/skills/vocations forever off their radar.

"Joe, WAKE UP!, drink some Silk Milk, less fat in your sluggish neurons."

I finally get 1,000 business cards, prices, POOR’s email, and what happens POOR Magazine’s about vanish from view.

Sorry folks, went off on a tagent, I tend to do that when feeling attacked or wronged.

Domestic Violence is what its like being a 3rd wheel was the subject last time if you read my non-column blip.

Oops, as soon as I find what was written I’ll begin.

I began with a slight rant on the concept of having a day off work and how infuriating and frustrating it can be when its constantly interupted.

Its 8:30 pm. Wednesday, April, 10, 2002 and the third Wednesday in a row I didn’t contact someone at Media Alliance.

Domestic Violence be it Men on Women, Women on men, Lesbian, Gay guys, or Bisexed couples though overwelmingly Men beating Women is cyclic spiral that if not stopped at its start steadily gets worse until either victim or aggressor is dead.

Although husband, boyfriend abuse by women is slowly increasing it is still a battered, beaten women, girl, sister's, friends that die in homes, cars, and on the streets of America.

I may be a bit slow mentally but 'um if a young woman dies, young man dies, mother, grandmother,; isn't that zero generations born, and aged common sense wisdom lost?

In this case equal parity is a lethal must be stopped altogether.

One of these victims is a young woman, a coworker where I work and for a while I am blissfully unaware of what been happening to her.

In Estrogen Center 1, there are other guys but the three ladies used their feminine wiles targeting me.

I’m defenseless against three warp-sped-brainy-emotive fem speake.

It all tumbles out one night at the end of the day as mostly women are in my office talking in their coded messages.
[If they want you in or out of their circle, they have ways of doing so].

This time I am included between three women, between their persuasive demeanor, this guy (me) didn’t have a chance to refuse a woman emoting raw pain.

A volunteer is needed, to serve legal documents to an soon to be ex-boyfriend.

After some badgering either misplaced macho or temporary oxygen deprivation, (the latter is not out of the question) had me agreeing to help a distressed lady, which I haven’t been able to do because most women as the saying goes [pump their own gas, make their own money, and buy their own homes, and here in lovely

San Francisco may prefer the company of women over men].

OK, not all; apologies to all male liking women.

To me the "Guys, who needs ‘em gets old fast.

I had no inkling of what I’ve gotten into. I’m such a boob, but everybody plays the boob sometimes, no exception to the rule; that’s from a song but I think those words don’t quite fit.

I stop here, for whatever emotional swings this young woman is going, through is contagious.

Its worse than any flu virus because I am not sick but hot-cold-damp-numbing emotive waves keep washing over me. (I’ll continue this later)

by Joe B.

Sunday, April, 14, 2002 is four days from D.H.S./P.I.C. money-keep.

That is the Department Of Human Services/Private Industry Council
took 4-5 hours to find a crack to take back money already earmarked for
Jobs In The Media Program.

The problem: POOR Magazine is an evolving prototype of what most non profit organizations will become.

Job Jumps, Educational/Vocational Skills, and occupations not ordinarily accessible to working poor, low wage, homeless youth and adults.

From basic P.C. skills, graphic arts, literature, investigative or OP/ED columns also learning about the political perspectives world wide.

Their on KPFA 94.1 Radio, on the last day of the month with a half hour show full of poetry, hard news, music, and in depth interviews live and taped.

As a newsfeed for newspapers, and information gathering from students, volunteers and staff writers it is a unique multi pronged organization making formally voiceless people loud and clear helping to readjust, change, rearrange lock-step policies, rules that keep poor folk running in circles.

POOR Helps break the cycles forming a clear path wherein none was before.
POOR’s on its Hyper or Quantum learning. I’ve been told its equivalent to a four year university.

The Resistance Hero Awards And Dinner is one of many examples of honoring people who have with courage, inner strength, were able to do more than exist, and survive but to thrive when society consistently sought to throw them away.

Of course there were a few glaring glitches for example a wheelchair assessable Porta-Pottie that arrived with its handle off and locked from the inside
not many people used it, food is served before the awards not after or during, and a fuse blew in the middle of a spoken words and dedication a resistance hero.

But on the whole POOR’s First Resistance Hero Award And Dinner. We were to have capital (R’s) as a physical reward for the recipient but time and technology made it impossible so a small letter (r’s) are given out and I think its a way better statement than fancier capital R.

I did my piece without music as I had practiced for Mr. Piri Thomas and felt he liked it, shook his hand and he rocked the mike and stage.

I had to leave knowing that cleanup was next when its all over.

My escape with my mom to green, quiet, Fairfield before 9 am is magic and returning to the City on Monday with all the chairs, tables, food, and art gone was just as magical. This could be an annual event because there are so many truly unsung, struggling people living against societies set of rules.

It was a great positive feedback for those praising and those praised.

Now I have write this up and still don’t know if I’ve said enough of what makes POOR Magazine a unique organization.

For me, its back to the salt mines.
Folks, stay alert... Bye.

PS. Anyone from former D.H.S./ P.I.C. knowing dirty secrets they couldn't reveal... now is your time.

For Families, single adults, youth, senior citizens (more insider knowlege) and those who've been F'd over and didn't know how or why untl now.

Seperately D.H.S/P.I.C.
can devistate any individual, family, or small non profit as well.

But if people gather, compare notes and see patterns on wages kept from you or your organization(s)

With pressure coming at them from all sides, from other cities and states.

And Picket, Protest, those six letters D.H.S./ P.I.C. until whatever secret memo, document, or letters are exposed for everyone to see.

I hope folks get good and angry not only to help POOR but also all who've been hurt by these two six letter
souless organizations.

Now I can say. Bye folks.

by Joe B.

More things have happened in the past few days but that would be jumping timelines.

Some readers may not like that and though some might say its best to tell the tale from beginning to end leaving out some boring bits.

Reader’s are left with myself feeling hot-cold-luke warm and numb.

I’m gathering mental strength trying not to think of POOR’s possible demise and my personal loss of employment.

Last time the mini rant was on day off usually Wednesday [Saturday and Sunday too are taken away my fickle, finicky web-readers.

I’ve learned to save up quarters since I don’t have a phone the only reason I’ll get a phone line is for a PC and Internet connection.

If there must be a land based (home phone) very few people will have the number.

I believe in compartmentalizing work, play, but not friends and family.

Solitary endeavors should at times be apart not jumbled or mixed.

For example I do not date CO-workers [actually I cannot because most of ‘em are really really young!].
I’m older, and odd, quirky, or just too weird for them.

Women have always kept me guessing now its my turn, I know part of why they do it; pure power over the male gaze keeping us off balance.

The only way to negate this game is not to play, find your own center and lonely or not love who you are without judging either sex.

Having one girlfriend is my speed without adding trouble juggling extra girlfriends.

A portable digital phone on vibrate is what’s needed though most of the time it will be turned off [I like thwarting technology when possible].

I was thinking of P.M.S. (Premenstrual Syndrome)
women go through (I know, its not the same as Domestic Violence).

But to guys old and young its still an arcane mystery (Your not a woman, you’ll never understand - even if we explained it you’ll never get it, most doctor’s and women themselves don’t understand it either).

In days of old like the 1900’s on to the 50’s 60’s and 70’s most men would go fishing, hunting, or mountain climbing anything while wives, girlfriends, sister’s, or aunts go through “their moods, the troubles.”

Problem was women still wanted their husbands, boyfriends, brother’s, or uncle’s to be around if not near.

These days men and women may know more about premenstrual syndrome but there are times when the “STAY AWAY FROM ME! until its over” makes sense unless some women’s experience a heightened sex drive most men dream they can "handle it" in truth their are rare men that can but for most of us it would be too much of a good thing.

But men able to stand it will make the best of this gift demanded of them.

I Thought of the famous line in 1964's "Zorba The Greek" the late actor Anthony Quinn talks to his young educated nephew Alan Bates from America saying

"When a woman asks you to her bed you must go."

I don't think it was meant in a moral context but in shared humanity of release for both women and men share.

To deny one is like an automatic curse on the man who does this to any woman.

If Goddesses are still looking down on our world we men who do that are under a constant curse.

According to the law she can not serve the legal restraining order document someone else has to.

Someone told the guy which meant he could just get it over with and move on or delay the process - be an anus about it, guess what the guy does?

One whole day wasted with a friend going through the kinds of emotional hell that tares at the very fabric of sanity, spirit, and core of humanness.

I'm just another guy its bad for her going through this anguish because whatever I said pales in what she’s already survived not only in sudden rages, turning physical, brutal beatings, and mental torment of feeling she had no choice and up till recently has lost because the ex could always use to his advantage.

In my clumsy way I made it worse when knocking on the door and he says I’m tired could you wait awhile?” [he had just gotten a job and was tired after his first day at work]. I left for a few hours.

The young woman in her apartment is besides herself fighting hysteria wanting her ordeal to end once and for all.

Saying “Deal with this now, get on with your life, if the police come they like nothing better to jack-up young black men - just let it go.”

After awhile some of his friends try to no avail.

I try again this time banged hard on the wooden door telling him.

“Sooner or later he has to deal with this and why not do it now and have it over and done with instead of the police coming over because you know what they might do?” [At the same time the thought came to me:
Police dread domestic violence situations because the emotional volatility of this kind of situation can change in moments.

How many officers have died, when one or the other spouses turns the weapon a knife, gun, baseballbat, hammer or whatever onto the police to protect their spouse whom they were threatening before the police arrived]?

I really made him agitated and angry.

He threatened to call the police.

In the young woman’s apartment I said “I hope he does call ‘em, then I can hand him the restraint order with their assistance.”

She didn’t think he would “He’s bluffing.”

Work is tense and after work I at my CO-worker’s building sitting in chair waiting for him to come in.

“Do you remember what to say to him?”

She said calmly as she fidgets with her hair, thumb in mouth, and trying to calm herself.

“No, I don’t remember - wait, this is a legal docu...” She had to laugh in spite of the situation.

“You say, this is a restraining order and throw it at his feet it must touch his body.”

I really dread a confrontation with an ex-boyfriend and the young woman is mainly a CO-worker we joke around but nothing serious.

I say his name before saying “This is a Restraining Order.”

We wait and wait and soon he did come, saw me and flips out saying “I don’t want him near me, I’ve called the police; he said the police will jack-me up.

True I did say the police will jack him up (beat down) but the rest is pure paranoia - only hearing what he wants to hear.

He didn’t here - deal with this now or later, or get it over with and move on.

He only heard getting beaten down by police and not that he is causing the problem.

The police are called both by the angry young man and battered woman and they are the same ones called before in earlier times.

I didn’t give the restraining order another young woman helped.

I flubbed it by not taking the chance when he first walked but everything happened so fast I didn’t react quick enough.

It did get resolved, the young man cannot be within so many feet or he’ll be in jail the same holds for her too the police told her.

I don’t ever want to be a third party to any domestic violence ever again its too nerve wracking.

The young woman is going overseas for a while which sounds like going to the Foreign Legion to forget.

Hope she can finds new friends, she’s had real Trauma Drama in her young life.

I have to get my own business started but that will take time and I have my own problems to solve too.

I got to ask:

1)How does a guy get beat up by a woman?

2)Women, have you beaten up a guy, and how does it feel?

I’ll probably get no answers from either sex that’s ok but at least I addressed the problem, now its up to society to find answers. Bye

by Leroy F. Moore Jr /Illin and Chillin

Webster defines ‘Self-defense’ as:

(1) Defense of oneself, one’s property, or one’s reputation.

(2)Law. The right to protect oneself against violence or threatened violence with whatever means reasonably necessary.

If you are disabled, especially a disabled male of color, then this definition doesn’t apply to you! You aren’t supposed to fight back and if you do, you somehow become the dangerous attacker. Then, there are two possible outcomes (1) because of your disability, i.e. mental illness, you must be eliminated by police or (2) you defend yourself successfully but end up in prison because you actually defended yourself! From the East Coast to right here in the Bay Area, disabled young males of color have found themselves in a life or death situation and have lost their lives or freedom either because of their attackers, the police or the U.S. justice system.

The recent case of self-defense of a mentally ill, Black, young man named Richard Tims that ended up with the police shooting, brought back a terrible memory of my thirty-third birthday two years ago. Just like Richard Tims, I, a Black physically disabled young man was on a crowded Muni bus standing up when a Black man ran to the front of the bus shouting "get out of my way!" Though I tried to get out of his way, he grabbed my book bag and dragged me to the steps of the bus while shouting ‘I’m going to kick your ass!" Fighting for my life I held on. Luckily my bag broke and my bag and I were safe on the bus.

Richard Tims’ case began when he tried to defend his life from three young Black males on a Muni bus who jumped him because he reacted when one of the young men stepped on his foot. He tried to defend himself with a pocket knife by stabbing one of his attackers but when this frail, one-hundred pound disabled Black man got off the bus he was shot up by police officers. Now I wonder what would have happen if I were yanked off that Muni bus on November 2, 2000?

The common reason for police to shoot is the feeling that their or other peoples lives are in danger but Tims, a one-hundred pound disabled man, was curled up in a bus shelter. This same excuse was used in the case of Margaret L. Mitchell of L.A. She was a frail, one-hundred pound homeless Black woman living with mental illness who was shot to death because she had a screwdriver. Idriss Stelley, a Black young man with mental illness was shot more than twenty times because police officers feared for their lives, though he had only a small Swiss army knife. Are disabled people of color that dangerous?

On December 20th 1995, Seth Woods, a Black developmentally disabled young man of San Francisco was walking home from his sister’s house and saw a group of Samoan teenagers that he knew. He tried to join the group but the group of teenagers turned on Woods and beat and stomped on him. In minutes Woods was face down in the streets, and had stopped fighting back. His bloody body was left on the sidewalk. After five days in a coma, Seth died. Moevao, one of the attackers was quoted in the San Francisco Chronicle of November 10th, 2000 saying that he "got involved only after" Woods hit him in the face, apparently while trying to fight off the other youth. He goes on to say that he was just angry that Woods hit him and sort of scared. Woods was fighting for his life at that moment. What did Moevao expect at that moment! Are we people of color with disabilities supposed to be pushing bags and shooting targets for certain people in society and police officers!

If you do successfully defend your life, you have to convince the justice system that it was a life or death situation. But as a Black, disabled person your cards are stacked against you in the Halls of Justice. This is reality for Michael Manning, a Black young physically disabled man from Pennsylvania who was attacked by three young men at a gasoline station with a knife and a baseball bat (see Fighting To Stay Alive). Michael, who walks with a cane, successfully defended himself, only to be faced with a racist justice system whose main witness was a lying drug dealer, and a biased jury composed of people who could not understand his situation as a black disabled man. After experts clearly pointed out that the wounds on Michael’ hands proved that his actions were in self-defense and displayed how walking was difficult without his cane, the juror convicted Michael on first-degree murder. Michael Manning is now serving fourteen to thirty years because he defended himself in life or death situation!

What is society telling our disabled sisters and brothers? If we do defend ourselves we might be looked upon as dangerous and out-of-control, therefore giving police the green light to shoot us, or, our attackers might be shocked and afraid that we, as people with disabilities, will fight back so we end up dead because of fear. The last strike against our lives is our own justice system that has a lack of knowledge and sensitivity toward people with disabilities and is infected by racism, causing innocent people of color i.e. Michael Manning, Earl Washington Jr. and many more to be locked up in prison. So what do we do?

By Leroy F. Moore Jr.

Executive Director of

Disability Advocates of Minorities Organization, DAMO

by Ace Tafoya/PNN media intern with Michael Fordham- special to PNN

Jason Menard spray washes the metal gate to 'The Healing Leaf' at 52-6th Street in the Tenderloin District, San Francisco's "Ground Zero", with great anticipation. Off comes all the dirt and grime this building has collected. Jason, with his name on the lease of the building, has a directorial position at the clinic and refers to himself as a "servant". He glances towards Market Street and sees a streetcar pass, another day has begun.

Two weeks earlier at the same time, "Lamont" struggles to get out of bed. He's been on HIV meds for over six years. He hadn't really eaten much in the past two days and he was feeling nauseous. "The Feds or DEA raided and closed my pot club," he said to me while sipping tea. Looking out of the window while a pigeon rests on the windowsill, Lamont who's on SSI Disability rolls his weary eyes and whispers, "I need pot to increase my appetite." Marijuana seems to help Lamont with the side effects brought upon by taking his meds.

No one I talked to really knew why 'The Harm Reduction Center', a medical cannabis club was raided and closed at 6.30 a.m., Tuesday February 12, 2002. I even heard about the previous people who ran the center were growing weed on site. Something officials don't like. But the fact remained that they were being raided and the other pot clubs here in San Francisco were not. I wanted to know why. Perhaps they were in "upscale" neighborhoods? 6th Street is notorious for drugs and crime, was this a factor?

In 1996, the voters of California approved Proposition 215. Prop 215 was passed to give seriously ill residents the right to possess and use marijuana for medical purposes, when recommended by a physician. Soon "Medical Cannabis Clubs" began opening in the city and around the state.

"Xavier" is 31 and lives on the street and uses marijuana for his neuropathic pain (pain from nerve damage). He frequents different pot clubs in San Francisco. "I'm thrilled that 'The Healing Leaf' will be open, since I'm always in the area and it's close to the shelter I sometimes stay at," he said to me recently.

From the support of the District Attorney's Office, the Police Department and other clubs in the area, on April 1, 2002 'The Healing Leaf' made it's debut. Still under construction at this time, but open for business, Jason Menard and his crew are really putting their heart and souls into this project. "We've had everything donated, we've done this on a shoestring budget," he said to me while observing the different spaces the building holds. "I've put in maybe $150.00 of my own money." It is plainly clear that Jason and company want the club to be a success.

Lamont is anxious and excited about the new club opening up. He feels he'll be the person he once was before falling ill. "With pot," he said while taking a puff off his cigarette, "I just feel better, I don't feel sick all the time and I'm able to eat more. My doctor is concerned about my appearance."

As long as they follow the rules, 'The Healing Leaf' should stay open for business. Soon the clients will have free haircuts, free massages, a socialization room, a herbal tea bar and possibly free counseling. Even The Department of Public Health has their van parked outside offering information dealing with health issues, every Thursday during the afternoon. You can pick up your Cannabis ID Card Program Application to utilize at any cannabis club at 101 Grove Street, 1st Floor (between Polk and Van Ness). The card costs $25.00, and it could last for two years, making it accessible to very low income people who don't have access to health insurance.

Jason, along with his crew and with the watch dog Trixy are thrilled with the chance to help as many people who need it. "We're just hoping to help clean up the neighborhood," Jason said while surveying the busy street outside. "Make it a nicer place for people who live in the area." He wants to keep the center clean and safe for all who come by. That was reason enough for myself and Lamont to smile.

*************************

Great Britain Anticipates Marijuana Decriminalization

By Michael Fordham

The Guardian Unlimited reported that British medical experts provided the hard scientific evidence that will finally clear the way for a relaxation of Britain's cannabis laws. The official from the advisory council on the misuse of drugs (ACMD) commissioned by the home secretary David Blunkett last October, comes out firmly in favor of downgrading cannabis from Class B to Class C legal status but warns that it is not a harmless drug. (March 15,2002)

The main findings of this report are: 1.High use of cannabis is not associated with major health problems for individuals or society. 2.Occassional use of cannabis is only rarely associated with significant problems in otherwise healthy individuals with the main worry being impaired control of blood pressure and the increased risk of fainting. 3.Occasional use can pose significant dangers for those with heart and circulation disorders and those with schizophrenia. 4.Regular heavy use of cannabis can result in dependence but its addictive potential is far less than amphetamines, tobacco or alcohol. 5.Cannabis impairs mental functions such as attention, memory and performance and so can be dangerous for drivers and those who operate heavy machinery but unlike alcohol, it does not increase risk-taking behavior. 6.The birth weight of children whose pregnant mothers smoked joints might be lower than expected due to carbon monoxide in the smoke. They also run a small risk of minor birth defects. 7.Cannabis is less harmful than the other Class B substances including amphetamines, barbiturates or codeine-like compounds.

This is not the first major study on this subject. In 1998, Canadian and Australian scientists came up with much the same results. Dr. Robin Room of Ontario's Addictive Research Foundation said "The health concerns associated with alcohol and tobacco are more serious than marijuana usage". These and other similar reports have been surpressed politically in order to perpetuate defunct United Nations Narcotic Conventions that entail criminal law in the US and other signatory nations. The Guardian reported in February 1998 that the United Nations health chief suppressed a finding that cannabis is safer than either alcohol or tobacco with the illegal drug playing little role in injuries or violence, unlike alcohol.

That research established that decriminalizing marijuana does not lead to the use of harder drugs such as cocaine and heroin, and that teenagers and children are more likely to experiment with alcohol and tobacco. Long running surveys carried out in the Netherlands, where marijuana was decriminalized in 1967 have found that even in the age group where cannabis use is highest---those between 20 and 35, of whom 12.5% are ""regular"" users---only 1.3% had used cocaine in the previous month, with a majority being aged over 30. The latest sample of more than 2,000 people in 1994 found that nobody under 20 had ever used heroin, and there were just 4 people who "regularly" used heroin, all aged between 25 and 50. Cocaine and heroin is not legal in the Netherlands.

According to New Scientist magazine, the suppressed report concludes that not only did the amount of cannabis smoked worldwide do less harm to public health than alcohol and cigarettes, but that the same was likely to hold true even if people consumed it on the same scale as the legal substances. Holland also had a lower percentage of cannabis and hard drug users than many other European countries, including Britain.

Cannabis also fared better in five out of seven comparisons of long-term damage to health. For example, the report says that while heavy consumption of either drug can lead to dependence, only alcohol produces a "well defined withdrawal syndrome". And while heavy drinking leads to cirrhosis, severe brain injury and a much-increased risk of accidents and suicide, the report concludes that there is only suggestive evidence that chronic cannabis use may produce subtle defects in cognitive functioning.

Even before the 1998 report, Robert MacCoun of the University of California at Berkley and Peter Reuter of the University of Maryland compared trends in the US and Norway (which bans it) with the Netherlands' experience and concluded that "reductions in criminal penalties have little effect on drug use at least for marijuana". How effective has it been in its main goal of keeping people off harder drugs? The Netherlands have fewer addicts per capita than Italy, Spain, Switzerland, France or Great Britain, and far fewer than the U.S. Frits Knaak of Trimbos Institute in Utrecht, the Dutch national institute for mental health and addiction, says the number of hard drug addicts in the country has been the same for a decade because fewer young people are joining their ranks.

Nevertheless, as far back as 1997 CNN reported that The New England Journal of Medicine had come out in favor of doctors being allowed to prescribe marijuana for medical purposes, calling the threat of government sanctions "misguided, heavy-handed and inhumane". In 1998 research supported by the National Institutes of Health (NIH) and revealed to the National Academy of Sciences showed that cannabis contains a chemical that can protect cells by acting as an antioxide. More effective than vitamins C or E, it offers an appealing option for the treatment and perhaps prevention of stroke, neuro-degenerative diseases, and heart attacks, the research suggests. The NIH researchers had suspected that the group of molecules including tetrahydrocannabinol (THC), the marijuana ingredient that produces a high would act as antioxidants. In their study, THC and cannabidiol provided equal defense against cell damage. Earlier studies at the University of Arizona in Tucson turn up no side effects of cannabidiol in people given large doses. (Science News July 11,1998)

Today, approximately 30% of the US population live under some type of marijuana decriminalization law, and this experience has been favorable. The only US federal study ever to compare marijuana use patterns among decriminalized states and those that have not, found that, "Decriminalization has had virtually no effect on either marijuana use or on related attitudes about marijuana use among young people". Moreover, privately commissioned follow-up studies from the US and abroad confirms this fact. In 1972, a US federal report (the Shaffer Report) served as the basis for decriminalization bills adopted legislatively in 11 states during the 1970s. It concluded that marijuana prohibition posed significantly more harms to the user than the use of marijuana itself.(from www.sciencemagazine.org)

In Britain, with the report from the ACMD fresh in their minds, more than a dozen Dutch-style cannabis cafe's are being planned from Brighton to Glasgow in a major movement across the country. They range from converted warehouses to upmarket cafe's in London with budgets of 250,000 pounds. The Drug Policy Alliance (formerly the Lindesmith Center-Drug Policy Foundation) reported on March 14 that proponents of Blunkett's marijuana reclassification proposal claim that the tough-on-drugs approach has failed to deter marijuana use and severely weaken government credibility. Despite a reputation of having relatively tough laws compared to neighboring European countries, a majority of which has decriminalized marijuana, Britain has the highest rates of marijuana use in Europe. Claims that tough laws have no significant deterrent effect are further borne out by US statistics. Despite a zero tolerance drug war and the world's highest incarceration rate, the US has a higher rate of lifetime marijuana use than any European country.

by Maggie Gonzalas

"They are only considering healthy, able bodied middle class students in the planning of this parking lot.." A member of Senior Action Network was speaking loudly into a megaphone while he leaned precariously between his crutches and the steel fence that surrounded the parking lot at Golden Gate and Larkin streets, at a rally held in opposition to a proposed parking lot across from my former apartment building.

You see, I used to live at Ground Zero of a pending plan by The Hastings School of Law to move in an 800 car parking lot into a neighborhood already overrun by cars - or should I say a neighborhood that is known for the amount of times it's cars has run over pedestrians.

"This neighborhood has a very high instance of pedestrian fatalities and the Hastings plan does not address pedestrian safety at all." Dave Snyder, from The San Francisco Bike Coalition and Walk SF was confirming what I already knew.

One of my best and few living friends was seriously injured from a hit and run at that very corner. She later died from complications from those injuries.

After her passing I knew I couldn't bear to stay in that neighborhood any longer and now as I visit my other elderly friends who still live there, they tell me that they are afraid to ever leave their apartments.

"Hastings does not care about the seniors or children who would be affected by this parking lot" Glenda Hope from Network Ministries spoke into the megaphone - her slight body shaking with might. "100 religious leaders have signed a letter urging Hastings to drop the parking lot plan, as well, The Mid-Market Merchants Association, The chamber of Commerce and John Burton have sent letters to Hastings urging them to drop this proposal."

"The Sierra Club opposes the construction of the garage as it encourages more driving, and causes more pollution," A representative from the Sierra Club spoke to the crowd, " If you build more homes not more homes for cars you will solve homelessness rather than causing more problems."

After the rally at the fence, I carefully and much too slowly crossed the busy Golden Gate Ave to visit my friends at the Madonna Residence across the street. As we sat drinking tea in their apartment, I related the opinions of the people at the rally to my friend Moska, "It seems like poor old folks like us were not even thought about, but that's not unusual, Maggie, folks like us are never really considered. I mean
what kind of choice is that anyway, "Homes or Cars?"

Maggie Gonzalas is a very low-income elder and member of POOR's writer- facilitation project which aims to give voice to very low and no-income adults, elders and youth locally and globally"