|
by Joe B.
Last Sunday all day I had a feeling of missing something but couldn’t place what.
I had begun Thursday and Friday placing emails on two or three electronic dating service.
This seems to be an ongoing disaster considering my inexperience webbing around the net.
So after eating a meal in St. Martin De Porre’s or Porre?
Taking a bus to Golden Gate Park to clear my head thinking of what to do with the rest of my life.
To the restroom then sitting listening to nature I remember how much I missed being here.
As I was leaving I saw drawn artwork left near a garbage can.
"That’s so anyone can pick it up."
The voice came for a man with a shopping cart, plastic bags on the side and inside cans and bottles.
Trying to set the sketched art straight I soon let it sit where the man left so the sun shone on it and somebody might pick it up.
The Moniker "San Francisco Betty" is the name.
We walked, talked about our jobs he a "Grateful Dead" sound engineer past and current and loving the outside enjoying speaking with people as he recycled bottle, cans, and glass.
He tells me about the A. P. Style Book "every writer should have one, its online or in book stores."
I thanked him for the information.
Offering me a beer which I turned down.
I have 1 wine, 2 bottle, or glass minimum when in bars or dance clubs that’s rare because of economics.
I’m trying to find both dance and non dance bars where straight women and men hang out.
I know a few women will go with friends for a night out to have fun not particularly looking for anyone to connect to.
ust my luck straight women with friends really want to have fun among themselves while in the hottest dance clubs gay men, women, and orientations other than boringly straight hood up.
The ongoing joke is straight men don’t get it an are left out in the cold.
My answer to that is:
find the regular "S" bars with both "S" men and women so I won’t feel so isolated and odd.
Have to constantly remind myself normal is a misnomer like gays in a 80 to 90% "S" city would feel just as odd that’s why in every city there was a sub now main thriving gay culture.
All I have to do is find these Islands of "S", mark these places just as online "S" folks are kicked out of online chats because of what was done same sex and other ‘diff orientated folk is the backlash and also online age difference.
I can cut the search down a lot by having reader mainly females above their early 20’s guide me to where you are.
Its funny some complain about not finding men and yet an arbitrary rule of S. F."s politics is not to date men from the same city!
Maybe it works for them but pretty soon guys tend to move about too to the point of moving out of the city.
The baby shower! I missed the baby shower, sorry June I know you told me when but missed the whole thing. That’s what being alone does to one sometime.
Leaving the city. I will probably will be alone for a while yet but between Yoga, some dancing, using being alone as learning process.
Still I’d like to travel a bit rounding out my rough edges, be out of the country for a few years returning slightly better and self assured less needy of a woman’s voice, natural form and sensuality.
I believe women are mad at men because they themselves mirror them and though they know they can give, take, safe, nurture life they know also men can to when raised by loving parents single or traditional two family unit.
I can imagine a world without women. I wouldn’t want to live there in that barren land even if immortality were mine it would terrible kind of lonely hellish existence.
A world without men women say would peaceful, quiet, less strife and stress but I think after awhile it too would become as barren, bereft of rough humor, male artistry, vision, imagination, closeness.
Face it SAPHO’s and Amazon’s at least the ones who’re happy with Lesbian only won’t miss men one bit of course the ones with those now forbidden desires will hide, be shunned, or be hunted down either placed far away from them or killed because they remind others of the other sex.
Either world is HELLISH. But for women who chose world’s, places unmanned be aware there are reasons why there are two distinct sexes each are unique in their own way few are better, more intelligent, or more noble than the other but equally need each others weakness and strengths to coninue.
It may indeed be possible to quarantine one sex from each other if that happened I’d become a rebel because I will not be separate from my other half, that’s half my flesh, vision, nervous system, brain, soul, mind, life, and I cannot, will not live a half life that’s a slow, grueling, inexorable, dread, dried out life.
The wet, warm, fluidity is what I need cannot live without.
Men, complex as Women, and women as exasperating, terrifying in their anger, love, hate, indifference living without ‘em would be a living death for me.
Yeah, I’m floating in this city unattached, alone in my shell, hold tears behind eyelids because we aren’t suppose to eyewet and have it seen.The Code Still Exsist is luckily I was never good follow most of the male or fem coding.
You know when you’re angry you say it too keeping an upper hand.
You know we are your mirror hurting yet holding back, you’ve learned our trick too now you know why we do it.
’Kinda went too far ladies that’s what bits of loneliness does drives one to face ones self and I do have a weakness, its funny its also my strengh.
Write if I’m made sense and even if not write anyway. Bye.
Please send donations to
Poor Magazine or in C/0
Ask Joe at 1448 Pine Street,
San Francisco, CA. 94103 USA
For Joe only my snail mail:
1230 Market St.
PO Box #645
San Francisco, CA 94102
Email: askjoe@poormagazine.org
| 
