The Big Business of Separating Families

by Alexandra Flynn/Mentor; Dee Gray/COURTWATCH-PNN

Kelly, one of my best friends, was 17 when she had her first of her four children. As I had just started university in the same city that she lived in, and neither of us had friends or family close by, so we spent a lot of time together.

Kelly lives in Quebec, Canada. About two weeks after her first baby was born, a nurse knocked on their door to see if everything was okay. It is standard in Quebec for nurses in each community to visit new babies and help parents with any concerns that they have. My friend was also informed that, if needed, she could drop the baby off at a provincial day care for $5 a day. All of this was on top of baby bonuses that gave her a little extra money when each of the kids was born. There is no question that these services have been immensely helpful in alleviating the normal, everyday strains that Kelly has had.

Mary X*, an African-American mother in Oakland, hasn’t had Kelly’s experiences. She lives in a state where government assistance for childcare and emotional support are expensive and difficult to obtain. Without friends and family, and without a government-sponsored help network, she has been completely alone in raising her five children.

The aloneness is basically what led to her involvement with Child Protective Services (CPS). One day, when her oldest child was five and her youngest a year old, she left them at home and went to the store to pick up the family’s groceries. She knew that the trip would be far faster and much less stressful on the children if she quickly hopped on the bus herself. As Mary puts it, "I don’t have nobody to help me. I don’t have any friends to keep my kids while I went to the store. I was out there mainly by myself." She made the best choice she could at the time.

CPS authorities didn’t agree with her choice. They apprehended her kids and, even though the incident occurred in 1995 and she has completed countless programs, she still doesn’t have all of her children home. Authorities are even trying to have one of them adopted. "That’s a big business. That’s money they all making," Mary said, "Just to go and talk to my son I think this [CPS psychologist] get $89 an hour."

Mary’s experiences with CPS have been dehumanizing. "They talk down to you in front of your kids," she mentioned, "They make you feel low." Once, in court, she asked that CPS officials speak to her alone, so that her kids didn’t have to hear her being chastised. When the CPS official mentioned this to the court, Mary was reprimanded. "If you say anything to CPS," Mary said, "they’ll say ‘Oh you’re hostile,’ ‘Oh, you’re angry,’ ‘Oh, you’re mad,’ ‘Oh you’re not supposed to talk back.’" Mary’s kids have also had many difficulties while in foster care, including having been misdiagnosed with ADHD, beaten, and given antidepressants.

For my friend Kelly and others in Quebec, the services they get are an indication that someone out there cares about their family. That, ultimately, even if they need help, the priority is to keep the family together. This is one thing that Mary wishes she’d felt in her dealings with CPS: "Instead of them coming and taking your kids, they should send you to family counseling with your kids for six months."

According to the Casey Family Programs, a Seattle-based organization that help parents strengthen families at risk and prevent foster care, notes that the foster care population in the U.S. has nearly doubled over the past two decades. To address this growing trend, Casey acknowledges that the root causes of family crises must be addressed: "We know that poverty is the primary cause of family instability. And we believe that family support is a powerful and cost-effective way to keep families together."

Mary needed affordable childcare, help from friends or family, and the support of her community. She didn’t get any of these. Eight years and thousands of dollars later, Mary and her children have reams of bad experiences behind them and many battles ahead. CPS and the government could make different choices; they could, like the Quebec government, give emotional and financial support to families, which made all the difference for my friend Kelly.

* Names have been changed to protect identities.