Last Call Non Alcohol? I bank on Extended Life Spans. Everyone,see you at a party somewhere Where's my rainbow Hat?
in San Francisco.
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by Joe B. Metrosexed II Looks like everyone’s checking out the next in thing, Its a metrosex fling. My minor metrosex experience began innocently with a dear friend of mine talking me into a manicure after watching her get one in a shop she decides to "help" me with mine in her home. All goes well,she in her bathrobe,me fully clothed,leery of all of this but I trust her as a any good trusted friend would. After a warm soak that wrinkles my hands,fingers cutting nails,then dried with paper towels. I feel calm,safe,and comfy as her she placed clear nail polish on my clean smooth nails. "Close your eyes,its alright,Joe." I Do as she says eyes closed relax feeling safe in her care. Hands warm,as if floating–that’s when the change up happened! With a slight suppressed giggle she says "Open your eyes." "How do you like your nails, Joe?" I look down,seeing neat,clean,polished,very pretty nails. Too damn pretty because she put bright multi colored glitter on them. Oh,My,God,I said to myself." "Why'd you do this? I’m takin’this off... How do I take this stuff off?" She's laughing,breasts jiggling up,down,side to side (what can I say our friendship is platonic but still this young woman is stunningly,achingly pretty being a straight male I cannot help but notice face,form,and features I also use my brain even though helmet-head has no conscious the head between my shoulder does. Any other time this would’ve been a delightful sight but my freakin’ pretty nails is the main priority now. She loves my basic straight guy reactions. "You can’t take it off, it’ll take a few weeks or months for ‘em to ware away." She didn’t understand, has no concept of this being a nightmare to me especially living in San Francisco. I already feel like odd man out in this Gay-Lez– Transgender-Cross- dressing,or other pan sexual city of light by the bay. I think she couldn’t resist seeing painted glitter straight guy and my reaction to it is a priceless bonus to her and she may have told her other straight or gay fem /men friends "Old Joe is definitely straight,he didn’t like what I did to his nails." For a few months my bosses,(females)interns, (mostly female)with a few guys too had a great time as I used the PC doing my work. A valuable lesson was learned from the experience: Would I trust her with money,my life,yes still do but as for personal grooming; I’ll take her tips but not let her implement them ever again. Flamboyant straight guys-hmmm,almost a contradiction in terms but there are many its only now that society and market forces see them. Missed a lot about this so called new phenomenon there’s even a "Die Metrosexual Die by Mr. Matt Haber,he writes for www.lowculture.com. I thought I’d write that so he doesn’t accuse me plagiarism. I need another column writing job folks and if any of you read them you know "I GO THERE AND EVERY WHERE IN BETWEEN." With my job at Poor,a Non Profit Organization (a real problem for me-PLEH.)a Art/Spoken -Rap Poetry, Book making,self publishing entities,our money grows wings not stuffed in bags on trees for us although checks in mail would help a lot especially if some were ear marked to this humble scribe. Those parties for New Years no way to go to any of ‘em so I’ll be with family (the plan was visit them,go to party, knock boots with a babe or two,then back to family.) Remember,when I talked of Men and Women's brains being more in sync with each other there’d be less friction between the sexes? Could this be the gender blend not only by gay men and women, transgender folks,it seems the only ones left out are now coming to the fore. If regular straight guys can really be their true selves without societal pressure pressing down on them does this signal a new psychological day or false dawn? Are straight values going beyond basic man, women,babies,and the dead, dying stereotype of frozen male privilege too is falling away but it too slow with neo- conservatives doing their last stand dance of Old White Male privilege when even old white males get it and see it’s a dead issue. I wish the so called current President or the new President to be in 2004 doing something akin to the 1969 Moon Landing. To take medical science to the nth degree and have life extension as its top priority for 2to3 decades. If someone not necessarily a President but Vice President, Senator,or anyone with the prestige to begin getting the ball rolling. It would the moon shot so passe and would galvanize not only America but every nation upon the planet. The only bad thing is again America will be blamed for upsetting earth on its axis yet again leading nations into a real tomorrow that for now few of us can dimly see. Happy New Years everyone online and off. May all of us see the next 1000 years great health,love,and no more wars. Email: askjoe@poormagazine.org |