The Less Have's, You Know Them, A Naked Mirror. Don't Look Too Deep, You'll See... YOURSELF!

by Joe B.

The Have None’s

There levels of being houseless some people have experienced them all from mental illness with self medicating proscription drugs to habitual drug addiction.

Everyone has a bottom once reached we either crawl or walk away from the gaping abyss or fall further into maybe dying in the process.

Luckily my shallow bottom was having nowhere to stay while writing, being dirty,and getting colds I knew if I kept floating among the shelters in Oakland, Berkeley,and San Francisco one day I’d be so sick my body would finally reach its breaking point and death would claim me.

Other houseless, working poor individuals and families went through more before finding their havens.

The worst level is battling these addictions a once drugs,booze, gambling,and or sex especially the last one can take you off world quicker than walking pneumonia because anyone can be a carrier of HIV or AIDS [Human immunode ficiency Virus/Acquired Immuno-Deficiency Syndrome ] see not feel,be sick,or show symptoms of have the disease.

Then there’s former lover’s who’ve become sick,dying,or have died from HIV/AIDS opportunistic infections that would have been normally shrugged off by antibodies inside the human body but now not only weakens the bodies own defense systems but turns it against itself.
Immuno-deficiency.

Luckier me a second time because of being not particularly strikingly handsome though my equipment was on standby and at-the-ready my lady friends.

I didn’t stray to much and I was always clean because of being monogamous with her only being literally deathly afraid of catching the virus from women in weak one-night stand moments. (Ok,it happened once! ) I’m clear of that as my screenings are negative.

So knowing about sexual Russian roulette my brain kept my helmet sheathed, protected, and celibate.

I disliked being celibate for weeks,months at a time, ball sacks full of sperm with fisting the only safe release option.

That’s why those cyber stories in chat rooms both helped and hurt.

It helped to remember blending fantasy and reality but after such vivid imagery my body responded and it’s a long tortured walk home down Polk Street especially with made up men in women’s clothes and natural ones looking for customer’s.

I’m no superman but between quick death by freezing,heatstroke,being, or murdered in the streets dangerous sex from one night stands men/women (women for me) I’d rather jerk myself staying alive than be a jerk dying either fast or a slow painful disease ridden death.

The thing about having little or no money is you may as well not look at a woman and want her if you cannot take care you own needs.

I chose not to be with one,find shelter,job, learn a few things before dating and being intimate again.

Now that I have a job, apartment,I’m still leery about sex but I know women are just as concerned as I so its always "Show ‘em updated test results before anything and be honest about past sex life.

For me now I’m ready to be porn films as a participant making up for the years of no sex
knowing that they take better care of them selves and aren’t as wild an industry as once thought but how does a lazy eyed, stocky,low wage,short black guy with working equipment get into the porn business? What kind of tests does it take,and lastly if I have the stamina to stay up, maintain an erection?

I think of maintain, enjoy ask what she wants/ needs and continue light,feathery to heavy strokes she'll tell me when she's done with me.

Maybe I’ll get into message and join a legitimate business or be on a cruise ship.

But all of the above trumps being houseless, seeing,without touching females and aching to touch and be touched by them.

Being homeless taught me more values of life and people and if there were any homosexual tendencies they would’ve come out by now.

In jail a bigger, stronger man can rape or kill you,out free in the street its on you to stay alert to survive its all up to you to choose death or life.

That’s why I say I’m hopelessly hetero doomed to like,and love women, though most may never see me that way all I ever needed is one but until that one arrives I’ll be enjoying the sight,smell, taste,feel,conversations of my feminine half.

To everyone have a safe Thanks Giving and watch out for the extra weight.

I like and adore normal well developed fem form, if its not healthy scale back on the goodies, oh-I’m sorry,to me you’re all THE GOODIES.



Donations C/0 Poor Magazine

1448 Pine Street #205

San Francisco, CA 94103

Email: askjoe@poormagazine.org