What's the worst that happen in life but death? Just read and talk about in some cyber chatroom... I need the feedback folks.
|
by Joseph Bolden The Worse That Can Happen You know how one wears an article of clothing, like shoes, favorite shirt or hat how after a while even when its not worn still feels like its on? I have a backpack its my Grandmother’s last gift along with Gensing Tea when she visited France. My usual way is wake, pray, shower, shave or not, brush teeth, gargle, use deodorant then pick up backpack heading out of my place. I did everything as usual or so I thought. Got on the 19 bus at the corner 7th street,on the bus and ride. It’s then I feel odd then realize no backpack! I was so use to its feel on my shoulder and back that I may have left it at the bus stop, you don’t leave anything for a second on Market Street it could be sold, broken into, or destroyed on the spot. Frantic I got off the bus fast walking down the block as fast as possible but when I get to the transit stop not a sign of my familiar beat up brown leather backpack. I feel drained, how could I leave my grandmother’s gift to me out there to be taken? Inside was a day planner, a short story call Abomination, pens and condoms when leaving the city. I go home feeling like a fool, unlock the door and inside on the floor safe and sound is the backpack almost saying "What’s up, forgot about me?" Then it occurred to me what’s the worst that could happen it had happened for real? Nothing but regret and buying a new backpack, planner, my short story is on disk I catch another bus thinking of another worst that Can happen reality. What I Never Find The Love Of My Life? I now know the meaning stud that’s what I’ve been to her when she’s not in other relationships she could always rely on me when called. We fit each other hand and glove the sex is always long because I want her pleased and so I’ve learned or natural aging has given me that gift. But I must leave her or I’ll always be a substitute love, stand in, her personal living vibrator. I’ve done that for another woman but it was one time and there was no being caught or awkward moments. This dear one that has shown me affection that I have been with for many years has not purposely done this but I know I’m her booty call and stud and I have to stop it. And if I end us literally studding women young and old, floating around and not getting married because I’m seen as a pleasure machine instead of husband, father, material maybe that will have to be all men aren’t marriage material I just hope I find the one women who not only I can please in bed but also sees me as fully human. I’m on sex sites now stopped short of cyber sex because the only cyber sex I’ll do is with woman or women as the camera’s roll. Learning about chat rooms, email messaging is so new and I’m suppose to be in a media non profit organization! I don't know whether some blessed woman won’t only chose me for bedding but also a marriage bed I’ll be praying to whatever deity Woman or Male that has delivered me into the arms of a mate. But if life makes me only a very good stunt"D" in demand, a one man stud service for various women young or more mature then I’ll be that hiding whatever silent tears because guys are suppose love being called a stud and brag on it. But for me it would mean my ultimate failure as a man to find a mate, marry, be a lovin husband, disciplined father. The last time I heard STUD besides race horses it was about black men in slavery studding for master/mistress creating children to be sold to other plantations. Its taken time to live what has happened to our women and men it still affects us for when I realized what I had become, was doing it hurts deep to be considered nothing more that a "F- machine made of flesh. I look at myself and I cannot believe I've rejected the tag name but I just don’t want be a 1 or 2 dimensional being. So that’s it and comments, questions, statements, stories to tell(new title) just telljoe. Or Email: askjoe@poormagazine.org |