Grace

by By Isabel Estrada

Chapter 1. The Girl With Long Hair
"Mama, every inch that my hair grows, I come closer to death," said Indravas to her mother. But Kaza only laughed and said; "Don't you ever listen to my words? A woman's spirit never dies, it rises and falls like an abandoned ship, but it never dies. Haven't I told you the story of Grace Vayshnavia?"

Chapter 2. All Spirits Must Rest
Grace Wells' small home was at 908 Page St. in a city that pretends to be big, in a state that pretends to own the sun, in a country that pretends to own the sky. It just so happened that that morning there was a crowd of people outside of her home. They were protesting another phase of the invasion of the Yuppies that would force Grace out of her home and set her right in the middle of the street. However, they hadn’t come to understand the special powers of a woman’s spirit and therefore didn’t know that in a sense, she was gone already. Grace no longer wanted to fight against the invasion of the peculiar species that had taken over her neighborhood years ago and was still taking over the small city. These invaders, called Yuppies, followed, literally followed in straight lines like the seam on Khaki GAP pants, two basic principles: money and trends. And it had happened that the confident, oblivious invaders had chosen her city as their biggest conquest. In the process they would clear the vibrant, tense streets in order to move in their own colorless lives.

But the spirit named Grace had been inhabiting the body named Wells since Wells was nine years old, when her Mother disappeared and she realized that she was all alone in the world. Grace had helped her get up in the morning and get to work when in reality she was tired and would rather curl up in her bed and dream of other times and other lives. She'd given Wells the necessary portion of optimism to numb the pain of arthritis and a heart condition. In Wells' 84th year, Grace had provided her with the power to continue fighting the landlady who wanted to include Wells’ home in a large mansion for herself. Grace beat at Wells’ heart whenever she started to believe what her landlady said, believe that perhaps she herself didn't exist. Grace helped keep her warm when the landlady turned off her heat in the middle of winter.

Grace had done her duty in the fierce woman's body and now would do it somewhere else. Even while protecting this body Grace had dreamt of music, of dancing, of a life lived on the edge of a dream. So when she lay down that night, sick of the quiet streets, she knew that her time in this body was up.

She waited for the tired limbs to loosen into the bed, she waited for the brown eyes to sink into their sockets, she waited until all the pain had left the feet and the wrinkles over the third eye had relaxed, and she left. Grace rose like steam. Below she saw the people grow small and then they disappeared and all she could see were cars. Then the cars disappeared and there were only buildings. Finally the buildings turned into patterns of color.

Grace wasn't sure where to go next. She didn’t know whether she should take a rest or move onto another body. But as she stopped to think she began to hear all the cries of the bodies down below. One collection of hoarse sobs seemed to stand out among the rest. She looked down and saw a sea of black hair that looked as though it had been taken by a storm god. The sadness in the woman’s breath drew her down, down, down. That's how Vayshnavia became strong. Grace's spirit came down to hold up her sinking body, and the spirit that was in Vayshnavia's body went to the bottom of the sea to rest awhile. All spirits must rest."

Chapter 3. Women
"I don't remember Grace Vayshnavia ever being weak," said Indravas willfully to her mother Kaza. "Vayshnavia is like any woman, when she is weak she looks the strongest and when she is strong she looks like a calm meadow. But do not disturb the meadow for it has roots beneath the soft grass, and snakes are always under foot. You were too little but there was a time when our tribe was under a spell… The story starts long, long, long ago….

Chapter 4. The Little Boy With Claws
He had always been small, which made it hard for him to live on the streets. He had to fight off all the evil spirits with the razors that he glued onto his fingernails. His oversized shirt hung down below his hands. The razor nails only emerged if someone tried to harm him first, or when he tired of being the last one of the crowd of boys to get to the trash can. When he tired of not even being able to get to the leftover food, when he tired of being left only the leftover cardboard, he would sometimes scratch his way to the front of the crowd, where the biggest boys with the most weapons would just step over him, slightly annoyed.

So when a Little Brahmin (1) found him one day and brought him home to food and clear water, he thought that Brahma (2) had finally helped him. He had snuck into a Sudra (3) village the night before. He was surprised to be mistaken for a Sudra; he had always learned that a Brahmin could smell an untouchable for miles. But under this Sudra disguise he could become a Brahmin pet, which was more than he had ever hoped for.

Chapter 5. Life Is Never Easy
At first it was an easy life. The little boy exchanged his claws for clean clothing and was given the name of Pet. All he had to do was play with the Little Brahmins when they wanted and allow himself to be stuffed with good food and sweet fruits.

One day the Little Brahmins decided that they would go to the Sudra compound to watch the women washing themselves in the river. There were only four seats in the moving tent, so Pet cleverly said that he did not want to go. But the oldest Little Brahmin, who enjoyed Pet’s smart humor, made another Little Brahmin –the one who always complained- stay and forced Pet to go in his place.

When a Big Brahmin found that the Little Brahmin had been left out for a Sudra pet, the earth had no rest from his stomping feet. The Big Brahmin waited for the boys to return from the washing river. He let all the Little Brahmins pass and then blocked Pet’s way. He said, "little pet, you are too smart for your own good, from now on you will learn your place, you will be my Little Pet." And thus it was that Pet became like a doormat for the Big Brahmins to walk on. No more good food. No more clear water.

Chapter 6. A Window In The Hall
On his 15th birthday Pet passed by a window. He noticed a boy that looked like a dog. He had a sturdy frame, a fine sharp jaw and beautiful green eyes, but he walked like a cowering dog, kicked too many times in the stomach. When he cringed at the awful boy, he saw the boy cringe back and realized that the boy was he, Pet. The shame enveloped him like the fire that sometimes emerges from a lotus. "Little Pet!" He heard the sickening snarl of the one he had come to call master. But man has his limits and so Pet took out the knife he used to cut his master’s meat and instead cut his master. From then on he called himself Veerappan and vowed never again to be anyone's pet.

Chapter 7.Veerapan and Vayshnavia
Her wide hips swirled like jungle snakes around his thoughts. "We have the most beautiful women in the world," shouted Veerappan as he examined the large flexing thighs of the dancer and slammed his cup of throat-burning Varusha (4) down onto the elephant bone table. He seemed half-animal-half-human with his broad shoulders, hard, mahogany-colored body, stocky fingers and green laughing-wolf eyes. The huge creases on the sides of his mouth are from smiling too much. At his side was Vayshnavia. Her black hair grazed the ground as she sat, with legs open wide and firmly planted to the ground, devouring her meal. She was tall with knife-edge cheekbones, piercing black eyes and a mouth that could put anyone to shame. Her fingers were long, with knots at every joint. Veerappan called them the hands that could hold up the world.

Eyes focused on the dancer, Veerappan grinned and announced, "Yes! I will take her tonight." But Vayshnavia quickly broke into his train of thought with her thundering laughter, picked up her knife and held it over the thick vein pulsating in the center of his hand, her eyes smiling viciously. "No, on second thought, she is not beautiful enough for me," Veerappan announced with a hyena grin. Vayshnavia's smile faded, she set down the knife and continued chewing on her snake meat. Veerappan never had and never would be with a woman other than Vayshnavia, he values his life too much. But looking at the dancer reminded him of the stories his grandmother used to tell him, before she died and left him alone in the world. She said that they were descendents of the original travelers. It was because of his great-great-great grandmother’s sin, being taken by a gadje (5), that his family stayed in the original land and never got to the far off places that are now the lands of his relatives. After killing his shame and his master in one fell swoop, Veerappan became determined to follow the ways of his people. This meant there were only two peoples, the original travelers and the gadje, and the original travelers had the right to live off of (and entertain themselves at the expense of) the gadje’s naivete. That’s how it had been since the beginning of time. He insisted that caste meant nothing to him.

Chapter 8. The Boy With Almond Eyes
Vayshnavia had prayed endlessly to the earth and the forest to give her a son. When finally her belly had begun to swell she became unbearable. She demanded to be carried everywhere. She brought out her knife at the slightest provocation. She would only eat freshly picked fruit and freshly butchered meat. The baby Neera came out with Veerappan’s grin and Vayshnavia’s black almond eyes. Vayshnavia carried him everywhere, making Veerappan red with jealousy. Finally they had an argument, the only one in which Veerappan ended triumphant, and she agreed that if she didn’t let the boy run around with the other children, his skin would never grow tough like his father’s. So Neera was allowed to play and Vayshnavia had more time to slap Veerappan when he got out of hand.

Chapter 9. The Sky Is Black
It was five years after Neera’s birth. Veerappan was sharpening his police knives when he saw a group of the tribe’s children come to an abrupt halt in front of him. They laid the boy Padavanis in front of him. Veerappan waited but when none of them spoke he lunged at them with one of the knives. A little girl spoke up, "They have taken Neera, and Padavanis has died defending him." She cringed and looked at the ground as she continued. "They say that if you do what the Big Brahmin says, they will give him back. The Big Brahmin said to tell you that he is the son of your… your… master." This last word cut short the storm of energy inside of Veerappan. It gave him a pain deep in his stomach. It put drops of salt-water in his eyes. It took away his smile.
* * *

Veerappan and Vayshnavia stayed in their hut for weeks. Nobody knew what was going to happen. The children left food and herbs outside of their closed door, but it only helped the village animals grow fatter. Every few hours a horrible cry would escape the elephant bone house, making the whole tribe shutter. No one knew which of the two belonged to that cry.

Finally after three weeks Vayshnavia emerged like a shadow from the white bone house. She said, "The sky has turned black, we will do as the Brahmin has asked."

Chapter 10. Knots
The Big Brahmin had been trying to hire Veerappan for a long time. They had offered money and fame. At times Veerappan had thought of capitulating but Vayshnavia was always quick to remind him how the Brahmins had not hesitated to wipe their behinds with his over-worked hands. They wanted Veerappan to kidnap the famous actor Rajkamur, who had been a sudra. Vayshnavia knew that it would be just another way for the Brahmins to hold razors to the eyes of the lower castes, thus preventing them from seeing their own pride. It would remove Rajkamur from the public eye so that he could be forgotten and at the same time Veerappan, who had been an untouchable, would be hated. But what really knotted Vayshnavia’s insides was the possibility that if Veerappan began to work for the Big Brahmin he would fall back into the spell of Shame he had broken when he had killed his master. Vayshnavia knew how weak her Veerappan could be, but she could not risk the life of her son.

Chapter 11. The Spell
And thus Rajkamur was kidnapped, Neera was returned and Vayshnavia’s gut was beyond knotting. The Brahmins enticed Veerappan with their suits made of pure gold and their ruby studded canes. So after he had kidnapped Rajkamur, he continued to work for the Brahmins and stopped taking care of his tribe. No more beautiful weddings, no more singing, and no more laughing. This was the Spell of shame.

Chapter 12. The Answer
The tribe reminded Rajkamur of his family. He had forgotten how having nothing could intensify the feeling of love and camaraderie in a family. How they had lacked for bread but never for a warm embrace and a sharing of Varusha. It pained him to see how things were changing for the tribe. Now that Veerappan was under the Spell, people were getting greedier, the children were getting skinnier and Varusha was in shorter supply. So, in an attempt to call the gods, Rajkamur decided to deny himself of all earthly delights until an answer came to him.

However, with the heart condition he had had since he was a child because of malnutrition, he was not strong enough for such a feat and died in meditation.

Chapter 13. Shiny Stones
The sky only blackened and blackened. The children were starving and the men were looking for happiness in the arms of other women, a practice that Vayshnavia had never approved of. The houses fell in disrepair and the whole time Veerappan was busy pleasing the Brahmins in order to get his hands on some shiny stones that did nothing to feed babies or satisfy women. The few times that he did return home, he would stay inside, counting all his treasure. All this was what had made Vayshnavia cry so hoarsely when Grace was looking down on the earth.

In Veerappan’s eyes Grace saw the same blank greediness as she had seen in her landlady’s eyes. She saw in the tribe the same fear she had felt at the thought of being thrust into the streets, at an age where she could no longer afford to be taken advantage of. And so, understanding the tribe’s fear, Grace had given up the idea of rest and decided to return to earth.

Chapter 14. Grace Vayshnavia
Armed with a new spirit and calling herself Grace Vayshnavia, she went to Veerappan as he was counting his jewels. She kicked him back, gathered he cold stones and threw them out the door where all the children went to collect them. When Veerappan tried to run out to retrieve them she stood at the entrance. Her feet were like roots planted into the ground. Veerappan knew that he would never get around her. Vayshnavia directed her piercing gaze toward Veerappan, as she had not been able to do in a long time. Veerappan tried to avert his eyes but Vayshnavia took out her knife, held it to his throat and spit her words into his face, "You have brought our tribe the worst illness. You have brought us shame. You lap up the Brahmin jewels like the lowliest dog, while your family is starving. If you truly believe that you are a dog with no name and no home then I will treat you like one. I will cut you into little pieces and I will feed you to my starving son!"

Veerappan remembered the animal he had seen in the window many years ago and again felt a rage so powerful that it made his heart shudder. He took the knife from Vayshnavia and killed his second shame by killing his second master.
* * *

Chapter 15. Healthy Cheeks
It was when Grace’s spirit entered Vayshnavia that she gained the strength to take away the Spell of shame. Only then could Veerappan go back to caring for his tribe. And that’s why you, my little one, are so healthy, why your cheeks are plump and your hair grows quickly. Now hurry and get dressed for we must go pay homage to Grace’s spirit for she will be moving on to another body. Never forget what I have told you, a woman’s spirit never dies.

Footnotes
1. Little Brahmin: A young boy of the Brahmin (i.e. priest) caste
2. Brahma: God in Hinduism
3. Sudra: Lowest Caste, above Untouchable
4. Varusha: Strong alcoholic beverage
5. Gadje: Outsider