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by Connie Lu/for Courtwatch and PNN
I meet Michelle Howard in the common room at POOR
Magazine. There are several simultaneous sounds of
loud and distracting conversations busily whirling
about the entire room. Our voices are muffled despite
the attempt to speak above the ambient noise, so we
decide to move to a more quiet room. The couch we are
sitting on is old, but comfortable. But most
importantly, I am now able to focus my attention on
Michelle. Her hair consists of intricate braids that
are beautifully gathered together on the top of her
head. Her deep brown eyes remain looking down at the
papers in her hands most of the time because she is
nervous about the interview. But the few times she
looks up into my eyes, I could see the glassy
reflection from the tears in her eyes as she begins
describing the photos of her daughter. At this point,
my arm is already becoming sore from holding the
microphone up to her mouth. However, as she continues
to tell her painful and frustrating experience of CPS
(Child Protective Services) taking her daughter away,
I begin to forget the pain in my arm and focus upon
the pain in her heart.
C: "Can you tell me your name and begin describing
your situation with CPS?"
MH: "My name is Michelle Howard. I'm coming in
concern of my daughter Alexis, who is in the custody
of the state CPS (Child Protective Services) workers.
I'm coming because nobody seems to want to listen to
the voice of my child, Alexis. She's been in custody
for 17 months now. During that period Alexis was kept
out of school when she was taken from me from the
hospital for three months. I went to the hospital
because my mother had just died and I was upset. I
was crying and plus I was physically hurting from
stress. My back was also hurting. Then when I came
out from talking with the doctor; my daughter had been
removed by the CPS workers. From there, she went to
three different foster homes. She was really abused
in one of them by the CPS. She was mentally abused.
They were asking her questions about "Has your mother
ever hit you? Has your mother ever abused you?"
C: "Why did they take her?"
MH: "They did not say at that point in time. They
never asked if I had a relative that she could stay
with. They just took her and put her in a foster
home."
C: "And this was a couple of months ago?"
MH: "No, this was on November 11th of 2000. Ok, then
they went all into my background, my history and said
that my background was the reason why they took
Alexis, even though me and Alexis were doing good
together. My daughter has never been abused of any
kind. She always had food and everything, but when I
see my daughter when they let me visit her. Alexis
had been mentally and physically abused.
She would tell me things on the phone like, "Mommy, my
body is hurting. Somebody is messin' with my body at
night." So I reported this to the CPS worker. They
said that they would look into it. They never got
back to me. Then they would put it to where my
daughter and I could not talk to each other on the
phone."
C: "You have every right to talk to your daughter."
MH: "But then I started getting like verbally abusive
with them of course, because I was finding out that
they were not checking on my daughter in the foster
homes as much as they could. My daughter would tell me
some little children that were in there were
physically touching on her privacy. I have pictures
of scars and scratches on her. I have a picture of
her with a ringworm in her head.
C: "Can you tell me more about the pictures?"
MH: "She was in one of the foster homes. A picture
tells a thousand words. She had a ring-worm and
that's her hair growing back (photo) from the
ring-worms she had. You can't see but she had
scratches and when I told the lawyer that they
appointed to me he said, "Well how do I know that it
didn't come from you?" You know, insulting me like
that."
C: "This is the back?"
MH: "And this is her back, she had scratches on her
back."
C: "I can see the scars."
MH: "Scars, a picture tells a thousand words.
C: "That's sad."
MH: "Even though I told her to smile when I was
taking pictures of her, she remained sad, real sad.
That's a picture of me and her. She smiled a little
bit, but she's still upset. I also had pictures when
Alexis hollered and screamed at the social service
building where I had to be supervised to see my child
which I could never understand, why I had to be
supervised."
C: "You couldn't be alone with your child?"
MH: "Yes."
C: "Someone had to be there?"
MH: "Someone had to be there, but then they stick her
in a stranger's home and let strangers keep my baby.
When I asked them if she could she come live with a
relative that I knew for years, they told me, "No, she
had to be with a licensed foster person." I kept
telling them, "You know, y'all doing something to my
daughter here. Y'all mentally abusing her. Why don't
y'all let my baby come home and supervise my child at
my house? They refused to do that."
C: "How can you tell she was being mentally abused?"
MH: "Because Alexis was very sad. She would breakdown
every time she saw me. She would say, "Mommy, Mommy, I
want to come home. Mommy please let me come home.
Mommy, please let me come home." She was specifically
telling them. When she told them, they would tell her
things about me and say, "It's your mother's fault
that you couldn't go home."
C: "Why did they tell her that?"
MH: "They just righteously lied to my baby. When my
baby tried to tell them my mama didn't hit me, they
said my baby said that I hit her with my fist. I
would never do that to my child." But they still kept
my child. I'm a type of person that when it gets to
the last point I get angry because you're mentally
abusing my child. I'm wondering every day and night
what's going to happen to my child? I'm asking them,
"Why did you take my child in the first place?" My
child wasn't abused when you picked her up in the
hospital."
C: "Was she was going to school?"
MH: "She was going to school, but they kept her out
for three months. She knew how to write her name.
She knew her ABC's at four. At three and a half she
was in preschool. But as she stayed in the foster
home, Alexis forgot how to write her name. Alexis
forgot her ABC's. She's seven years old and she's
going to the second grade. They're passing her along,
but Alexis is behind. She's very behind in school. It
breaks my heart because they told my daughter that if
I came to school to pick her up or if I came anywhere
near her without them knowing, then I would be
arrested and go to jail for three years. But when my
daughter stayed with the foster parents, she was
getting abused by a lady, who was screaming and
hollering at my baby while I was talking to her on the
phone. I reported it. They said they were going to
check into it, but they never did. So my daughter
became scared of the foster parents to the point that
when they abused her, she wouldn't say anything
because the CPS workers had told my daughter that if I
came anywhere near her, I would go to prison for three
years. So that's why she stopped telling me anything
about abuse or mental abuse. That's mental abuse when
you tell a child that if your mother comes anywhere
near you, she's going to jail. You know, it's just
getting to me. They're still holding my daughter."
C: "Did you talk to the foster parents? Are they
denying it?"
MH: "Of course they're gonna deny it. Not only do
they deny it, but they also think that I'm mentally
disturbed. Anybody would be mentally disturbed if they
go for help and come back to find their daughter gone.
They tell me that I need to be on medication because
I get angry a lot. Of course I'm angry. The CPS
workers walked into the hospital and took my child. I
was just seeking help because my mother had died. I'm
here to let you know about my daughter. All her
rights have been taken. She has told them, "I want to
be with my mommy." They won't let her be around me
without supervision. I don't understand this system.
I don't understand CPS. I'll do anything to help
anybody who has been through my situation. These
people are very evil."
C: "So, right now you still don't have your daughter
with you?"
MH: "No, she's still in Foster Care. She's with a
person that I call a relative because we know each
other. I get to see her more though."
C: "Do you have any sort of future plan of action
now?"
MH: "No, they have appointed lawyers for me, but the
lawyers seem more against my child and me. It's not
about me. It's about Alexis being mentally disturbed.
All the things they said in the past about me to my
daughter are not true and my baby knows it's not true.
It's making her all messed up in her head."
C: "She's just all confused right now."
MH: "She's very confused. I'm really trying to be a
voice for her because nobody else in the system seems
to want to listen to the child."
C: "And how old is she?"
MH: "She's seven now. The foster parents are
strangers to my daughter. She doesn't get the love she
needs.
C: "I'm sure your daughter knows that you love her."
MH: "Yeah, I love her very much. She knows I've never
abused her.
C: "Thank you so much for sharing your story."
MH: "Thank you. I hope this interview can help others
as well."
After listening to what Michelle and her daughter
suffered through, I am reminded that there is a
certain unexplainable, yet truly unbreakable bond that
a mother shares with her children. A powerful bond of
love that is able to withstand and endure the
destructive separating tactics of CPS. Their love for
each other is what gives them the hope for
reunification.
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Open Letter to Rebecca from Michelle
Dear Rebecca,
I thank God for someone like you. I've been praying
for this time to come. Sorry for what has happened to
you and your children I know nothing can change the
damage that has been done, but God. Healing,
forgiving, and trust are violated when you and your
loved ones (your children) have been hurt so badly by
a system we were raised to trust and believe in.
My little girl was taken from me and she was kept out
of school for over three months. She was mentally and
physically abused by the CPS workers, people they
placed her with, and other children. Because my
daughter wanted to come home, she would get
abused by the other children that the foster person
would leave her with.
When I reported this to the CPS, they would punish me
and my daughter by keeping us apart. Sometimes I
would not get to see my daughter. Our visits were
always supervised, as if they had a real reason to say
I was a harm to my daughter. My child lived with
strangers (Foster Care) for over a year. Most of the
time she was not check on, as I would have liked and
as often as she should have been by the CPS worker.
When I was seeing my daughter she would have scars on
her back, face, and legs. She would tell me how they
got there and I would report it. Once again my
daughter and I would be punished for telling too much.
Sometimes they would not let her speak to me on the
phone. I would call, but they wouldn't let her return
my calls. Sometimes I wouldn't get my visits because
I was told I'm calling my daughter too much.
I'm going to stop here because it gets very painful to
continue. I have always believed that CPS was meant be
a good industry, but it turned bad. I hope and pray
that you and your children be compensated for what
happened.
Thank you and God bless Rebecca.
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