Call off your Dogs!!

by TJ Johnston from Weird Services

"Call off your dogs," pleaded former President George H.W. Bush to the residents of Marin County, California. "I apologize. I am chastened and will never use 'hot tub' and 'Marin County' in the same sentence again. I shouldn't have done that," stated Bush in his Feb. 26 mea culpa to the affluent suburb, whose name he mispronounced.

That was his request to Marin Independent Journal editor Jackie Kerwin, who urged readers to respond to Bush's Jan. 25 defamatory remarks against suspected American Taliban John Walker Lindh as "some misguided Marin County hot-tubber."

And the letters flowed from maligned Marinites. In the last month, three editorial pages were devoted to their rejoinders.

Since Lindh, formerly of San Anselmo, made headlines with his involvement with the now-ousted Taliban of Afghanistan, the Marin lifestyle has been put under a microscope. Pundits have long ridiculed the home of the hot tub party, but after Bush's characterization of the 20-year-old Muslim fundamentalist, residents were fed up.

Because of the controversey, Kerwin guested on the Today Show on Feb. 28. The signature water container conspicuously appeared on the set.

Judging from the reaction of area yuppies, 23% of whom voted for Bush in 1992, most seemed forgiving.

"Of course, nobody wants to painted with broad strokes and I'm against stereotyping," notes San Rafael housefrau Mindy Universe while shopping for Zinfadel in Safeway. "Not all of us should be grouped in with the 'hot-tubbers,' especially Walker. Like, did you see how the boy looked? He needs to be deloused."

Particularly sensitive to Bush's comments is Kensington spa proprietor Blaine Worthington III. "If he hadn't apologized, I would still be smarting. It's never OK to hold a grudge. The recession and Sept. 11 have already cramped business. His saying 'I'm sorry' may stop the slide from going further."

However, other hot tub enthusiasts, like realtors Todd and Tiffany Terwilliger, still feel a sting. "We Marinites take a lot of flack for our lifestyle," muses Todd. Tiffany is quick to add, "Don't they have key parties in Conneticut or Maine or Texas, wherever he's from? He thinks jacuzzis are absolutely sinful." Todd goes on to say that Bush is uptight and "in need of a good soak."

Outside the area where Huey Lewis calls home, contrary viewpoints are plentiful. One angry, anonymous emailer vilified the Golden State. "You jerks from California have way too much time on your hands if this remark offended you poor babies! get a life. Most of the people in this country can't even afford food and health care, let alone feel bad about the hot-tubbers in Moron County."

Another vitriolic and nameless detractor wishes for "a really big earthquake will come along and separate California from the rest of the United States and it will drift out into the middle of the Pacific ocean."

"Dissing the county don't mean a thing," wrote Marin City storekeeper Muhammed Malcolm al-Kaline in an unpublished letter. He voices different concerns. "If baby Bush and Ashcroft go after this white boy from a nice neighborhood, there's no telling who else they'll lock up and throw the key away." Attempts for additional comments from al-Kaline were unsuccessful. He has since been reported missing and no one knows his whereabouts.

While apologizing for his "hot tub" comments, Bush denies disparaging local wildlife. "But what's this about peacock feathers?" he writes to Kerwin. "As Dana Carvey might say, 'Didn't say peacock feathers, wouldn't be prudent.'"