We can only be good as Brutal facts of life can be lived
we want and keep learning.
through, its hard but it happens.
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by Joe B. A long time ago I griped about the perfect man or woman syndrome. Well, these hypothetical perfect people have to have parent’s, grand parent’s or friends that at critical moments tell these perfect people to be when their being foolish, too stubborn, to fight, or when to give in. Think the Mickey Rooney "Andy Hardy" films of the past where his father, a gentle, soul of a father who happens to be a judge in a small town helps his son out over the rough patches of adolescence, his mental anguish dealing with girls and later young women. It seems to me perfect men or women are flexible in the give and take of relationships between the sexes. Yes, both sexes have survived all types of terrible traumas. Others may not know of and when closeness or intimacy begins some may react inappropriately from screaming, total catatonia, or violence while the person not knowingly triggered whatever outburst that has occurred. These days so many of us have inner demons hidden from others trying "to be-stay strong handling it." Myself I am leery of women because not only are the so called normal in semi angry moods but those suffering from family abuse, childhood to date rapes and may be "handling it" until a poor slob like me accidentally triggers mental/physical memories long hidden. I personally know of two or three woman who suffers survived through these brutalities. What has always struck me is why tell me and bind me to secrecy? I cannot tell anyone, I dare not embrace them because of what too close a man’s touch means to them unless they’ve had months or years of therapy I understand the rage father’s, son’s, brother’s, and boyfriends have to kill another man who has hurt women in their lives. Some of the rage is from "she’s mine" or "I must avenge her/myself." But its also that we as men couldn’t protect them from this terror. Now matter if we did find, torture, kill, or put them behind bars the crime and damage is done. I don’t know if I or anyone man can ever be perfect all men can do is be the very best male for the women we love or who love us. As for the women telling me their deepest fears, hurts, dreams, and nightmares… I keep their council sometimes it takes women a long time to trust anyone let alone males when their person has been so violated. Maybe that’s part of being a perfect man to be keep secrets and only reveal them when it no longer helps them. I’m no perfect guy, my one room apartment is always a mess, I like skin flicks even though I don’t watch them alone I’ve found out it hurts to not hug, embrace someone in pain as for them to except it. To me perfect men are already here, its up to their mates to make that choice that way we all can be perfect for the men or women who loves us and not try living up to some hypothetical man or woman not existing at this time. I must as women who’ve gone through that lonely hell and have been helped later or their males in their lives. How can I help my sister’s without causing them anymore stress than they’ve already suffered? Email: askjoe@poormagazine.org |