Its difficult to know. Harder when your close enough Worse when one destiny
to taste but cannot eat it up.
blends into another.
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by Joe B. I’m over a flu virus or whatever made me sick for a couple days it feels like being in heavy dense fogged in cloudbank that has finally cleared. There was thinking time in stuffed up, no sense-of-smell numbed taste buds, upset stomach, sore throat, and slow-motion reaction time. Its great when people know not only what they are good at but also what they want to do with the rest of their lives. The slow torture is either not reaching their goals or being so close they can taste it but not able to eat it. It must put one in physical, mental ecstasy when finally achieving it. I know when I finally saw my picture, a little of my believe system and finally all my words written down, over the intangible, invisible, cyberspace known as The World Wide Web. I shortern Internet to I-net. This was literally a century ago in the late 1990’s I’m still making grammatical errors but people seem to understand what I'm trying to say. Of course there is one more goal that’s as author of various works of fiction, science fiction, adventure, maybe romance. Some of my columns get published as a first dip into the pool of publishing. I even thought of writing Pornography but I’m not real good at it I tend to write too graphically not being subtle when writing it. Writing Erotica is more satisfying because it’s a slightly different genre from the other. Both have to be handled gently, diligently, with feather touched care though many porn writers are consummate artists at their craft. Maybe Writing Erotica can help me with other kinds of writing. Besides I’m not a roughneck guy to me Pornography is way rougher than Erotica it does not mirror my personality as Erotic does at least in fantasy. So I am near my first best destiny as author, novelist, whichever fits the art of composition. Other pieces of destiny also tug at me. Lately I’ve been humming notes,and lyrics; only problem is they are not on the radio! I don’t think singing is in my future, oh God I hope pray its not. One reason I cannot read music, don’t have a trained voice, don’t play an instrument. But if this is an omen, an alternative part of my overall destiny because writing is involved then I should follow where the muse leads. It would be sardonically ironic if I actually end up singing my own songs on some stage with people of all ages who love my songs if not me. This also means I’d have to get into shape,dress in better clothes, and hide whatever self loathing I feel being on stage. How do people do it as part of their daily lives?
Then go to the famous Apollo Theater New York City, where I was born before moving to California. The audience there will tell me by cheers or jeers if I have "It" For now its only nebulous thoughts in my head but like writing columns was in my head until I started doing it. One roadblock is my age if a black guy in his late 40’s rapidly approaching 50 could be accepted as a new singer even if he does have a half way decent voice? But it’s not up to the audience but the hapless scared guy on stage to give his best and hope the people in the dark like it or not. I don’t think I’ll have groupies, I’d be more worried about how to keep the inspiration going and if it should come to sudden stop… Well, at least there won’t be regrets in that area because I not only tried but did the best I could while I was in that field. That’s what I was thinking during my flu. If I follow this muse to its end no one will be more surprised than me. Isn’t that what life is about striving to do-be more? Any readers follow or didn’t follow their inner drives, destiny? I’d just like to know from readers after the fear, laughter of friends, family, lovers. What happened when you did follow your own road to success or failure what happened? Please send donations to For Joe only my snail mail: Email: askjoe@poormagazine.org |