Underground Economic Strategies Part 1: A PNN Special
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by Angel Garcia/PNN Race, Poverty and Immigrant Scholar Para espanol mire hacia bajo As a gang member and a teenager growing up in the Mission, drugs were rampant. I, myself, have had many experiences in the barrio and calles dealing with my own addiction. I have been addicted to drugs and lived on the streets, sleeping under the freeway, cold and hungry. I have been clean for over a year now but many times drugs helped me to survive homelessness and poverty. Like all businesses functioning in the underground economy there is more risk than money. The money you make is barely enough to survive on. Yo creci (I grew up) in a rough barrio and saw many cosas going on all the time. When I started selling drugs in my neighborhood I began mixing with junkies, drug dealers, and working people. En mi barrio everything was brown, la gente and las drogas. When we talk about the criminalization of drogas in our barrios we have to remember prohibition. From 1920 to 1933 the sale and consumption of alcohol in the U.S. was illegal and it was sold on the black market. Many people do not consider alcohol a droga, but alcohol does the same damage as other drugs. It breaks our communidades apart. Alcohol was my first droga, soon after I became addicted to drugs, the ones I would be criminalized for. In the 1990’s when I was just a teenager, only 14, many of the vatos and the regular gente raza got addicted to coca. I was a patojito (a little kid) with the junkies all around me smoking coca and Cristina (crystal meth). I saw this everyday and then it became my life. I used to see some vatos in the hood doing crazy things when they were locos (high) like talking to Satan. When I saw someone itching and scratching I knew they were high on some good heroine. La gente que estaban addictas (for people who are addicted) your purpose is always the same, to find where you are going to get your next high. The question in my mind when I was addicted was how am I going to survive another day and not feel sick with the malias (the cravings). No one wants to wake up feeling sick with the cravings for your drugs. I started smoking marijuana when I was 14. When I started selling drugs I had never tried any harder drugs. I did not know how it was to be addicted to heroine, cocaine, or crystal. When I was selling I used to have women offer sex in exchange for drogas, it killed me to see the power that the drugs had over these women and how the criminalization of the drugs forced them to use their bodies this way. I used to give many of my women friends on the streets free drugs because I hated seeing them use their bodies in this way. At that time I did not understand the effects of addiction. Then I got addicted to the drogas and knew the feelings of addiction that the vatos (guys) and jainas (girls) from the barrio went through when they used to ask me for drogas. Then everything changed because I lost my friends and I had to keep on selling drogas para mantener my own addiction. Yo sabia (I knew) that I was matando (killing) my own gente (people) in the barrio of la mission by selling and using drugs and I wanted to stop. So sometimes instead of drogas I would buy them food or even ropa (clothes). But I was still on my own, fighting against the drogas. I became homeless sleeping at the bottom of the freeway; it was my casa pobre. I was sleeping in a space muy pequeno. It was like a jail cell, solamente (only) 2 feet by 4 feet and filled with the smell of dirty socks. Mi unico amigo was the grey hard slab that covered my head. For a long time the nights were lonely. Fria and dark, se sentia like a refrigerator full of hielo. Selling and using drogas was just another way to survive the long winters. Drogas helped me keep warm and to ward off hunger. My drug use and addiction was another way to survive the system in the U.S. After much struggle I got myself into a rehabilitation program in Oakland. I have been clean now for a year and a half. I am currently writing a book about my life in the barrio de la Mission called, “Gangs, Drugs, and Denial.†Angel Garcia is a student in POOR Magazine’s Race, Poverty and Media Justice Institute and will be releasing his memoir, Gangs, Drugs and Denial in the summer of 2007. Como un miembro de pandillas y adolecente creciendo en la mission las drogas estaban ala orden del dia yo tube muchas experiencias en el barrio con mi addiccion yo estube durmiendo en los puentes con frio y hambre tengo limpio un ano pero por mucho tiempo las drogas me ayudaron a sobrevivir el no tener casa y la pobresa Como muchos negocios bajo la economia hay mas riesgo que dinero el dinero que haces solo te ayuda para medio vivir Yo creci en un barrio dificil muchas cosas pasaban ala vez cuando yo enpese a vender drogas en el barrio me juntaba con los drogadictos y vendedores y personas normales en el barrio todo era cafe la gente y las drogas cuando nosotros hablamos de la criminalizacion de las drogas en nuestra comunidad tenemos que recordar la prohibicion del ano 1920 al 1933 la venta y consumo de alcohol en los estados unidos era ilegal y se vendia en el mercado negro muchas personas no consideran el alcohol una droga pero el alcohol hace el mismo dano que las otras drogas Quiebra a nuestras comunidades aparte el alcohol fue mi primera droga despues En los 90's cuando yo era un adolecente de solo 14 anos muchos vatos y Raza regular se addictaron ala coca yo era un patojito con los drogadictos ala par mia fumando coca y cristal yo miraba esto todos los dias se volvio mi vida Yo miraba los vatos en el barrio haciendo cosas a normales cuando estaban bajo la influencia como que hablaban con el diablo cuando yo miraba alguien rascandose yo sabia que estaban locos en una buena heroina Para la gente que es addicta el proposito es el mismo encontrar una manera para ponerse locos al siguiente dia La pregunta en mi cabeza cuando yo era addicto como iba a sobrevivir otro dia y no estar enfermo con las malias a nadie le gusta sentirse malia por mas drogas Yo enpese fumando marijuana 14 y cuando vendia drogas nunca trate otras Despues yo era addicto y supe el problema que los vatos y jainas del barrio tenian cuando ellos me pedian drogas despues todo cambio perdi mis amigos tube que vender mas droga para mantener mi addiccion yo sabia que estaba matando en la mission yo queria parar en vez de drogas les compraba comida pero yo todavia estaba peleando con mi addiccion Yo dormia bajo puentes eran mi casa pobre el espacio era muy pequeno como una celda 2x4 pies el olor a sucio como un calcetin mi unico amigo la pred gris que cubria mi cabeza por mucho tiempo las noches eran muy solas y frias como una refrigeradora con hielo vendiendo y usando drogas solo era Despues de tanto sufrir fue a un programa de reavilitacion en oakland tengo limpio un ano estoy escribiendo mi libro sobre mi historia en la mission que se llama pandillas drogas y negacion ano |