An Ugly Guy's Story.

by Joseph Bolden

Ugly Guy,A Life.

I’ve been reading articles on the web about men,women,attraction mysteries of beauty and ugly.

I’d consider myself a good looking black male if not for a glaring detail of a lazy left eye that wasn’t corrected by age four (kept peeking) out of the flesh colored patch in ruined any chance for good sight in both eyes.

Now my vision is fused the best that can be done is an operation to permanently straighten the left eye.

I’ve played sports from hockey, to base/basketball, football.

Hockey,is particularly terrifying.

In my youth a yellow plastic puck flew hitting me in the left eye hard!

I tried to block the shot but missed the force lifted me off my feet.

I learned what depth perception meant,I had none.

From High School through college there has been cruelty because the flaw like I’m a hideous creature from a cave,
a group of young women actually took time crossing streets if I was too close behind them I only noticed them when they did that after a while I began to cross before them they seemed ugly to me!

Only a few times have women when I was in school said behind my back "he’s cute" in a loud enough whisper for me to hear.

Maybe I wasn’t a complete frog.

Imagine people who had Elephant Man disease, from wars with missing limbs, or scarred faces but my problem could’ve been prevented theirs weren’t.

Wondering the country, meeting people,sex from strangers told me that I’m an ugly guy and more than that.

It’s a good thing that in my lonely times between schools in New York, Berkeley and Oakland now San Francisco read lots of Playboy,Oui,Hustler, Penthouse,player's,Gent,Gem,Ms. Magazine,and Cosmo.

Those pictures, articles,and anything pertaining to sexually pleasing women included did give me some perspective.

When a few mature women took pity on me all I did was listen, learn, and given repeated lessons improved.

But now I knew my body (me) was desired loved. Maybe family wasn’t for me so every women, young girl wasn’t a conquest but people to learn from, listened to sometimes I didn’t.

Yes,did feel like a stud but not in positive ways I began feeling like a secondary, substitute, stand-in for women who are just horny and need to sexing up.

Skip a few years, false careers starts and I’m houseless in San Francisco.

Platonic love was bewildering to me.

A woman friend, emotionally tied, but not physically?

It took time because I got beaten up by girls, bullied into kissing them. Being small, skinny, guy only later did older women become instructive lovers.

Not psychologically healthy feeling to know your exercise but at least… while I’m with them they are what!

I concentrate on. Seeing, not having women feels like prison but I won’t be around women well not to many without cash on hand.

Lets just say because I’m straight I like women but also being creative there are other outlets besides porn.

It isn’t real or alive as real women are.

I have a healthy respect.

I’ve trolled web sites in different personas but its not the same as face to face dates.

All that can be said is ugly or not women do look deeper than skin and I’ve benefited immensely.
So called ugly or regular guys be yourself, stay neat clean, have other interests, and though women do tease we men don’t know what their thinking most of the time just remember most women like guys the ones who don’t think about ‘em concentrate on the ones who do and mainly listen, learn, repeat.

As for platonic relationships they’re tricky but my advice is do not collect too many of ‘em.

My rule of thumb is: if you have 10 female platonic friends it’s way too many!

2 or 4 platonic which leaves 8 or 6 lovers it’s a better balance for men and who knows one or more of those platonic relationships may change suddenly.

One never knows what’s in women’s mind even if we ask we may not get answers wanted but are to be.

Its from many smart, patient,good,kind,sexy, sensual girls,and lovely mature women that beauty and ugliness is fluid.

All guys must think a bit before saying or doing things that turn women off.

I’ve made my errors of judgements and so have a few women about me.

I’ve learned that contradictions are to be lived with not understood.