Mission Possible

by Joseph Bolden

Mission Possible, Maybe

Past and recent events in my life has taken another turn.

Have you ever tried something new,seen what other people are doing but part of you silently screams “Don’t Do It.” Which you ignore?

Done that now know it’s aftermath. I’m currently in Customer Service helping people where they reside.

General Assistance can make one lazy, induce stress, and make a day or week feel decades long but sometimes we all need a little help from time to time.

I went off G.A. it is because of a death in my family, told my worker thinking “If I’m away beyond the 1st or 15th its cool because the worker knows.

Wrong! Had to be reported. I did return late and was off G.A.

Worked some, got back on and missed a numerous appointments probably psychologically not wanting to be back on.

Family monies, old hurts, resurface, my decision leaving the one bit of transient stability where art-words-work-social/political
activism from a positive non profit organization was hard and for a time sent me into physically ill depression.

Somewhere Its recounted won’t go into it here. It was a sort of cleansing of familiar while entering an abyss of a new phase phase.

As with stints as a security guard, lab aide, food service aide, custodian, construction worker [went to school for that] home health aide/kitchen helper.

They just didn’t fit, could work at them but most except construction were low level waged jobs and it didn’t fit me.

If I could have stuck with being a Certified Nurse Assistant
but after a year of being on call, on staff then going from

Convalescent center to hospital and doing private in-home care, scrambling from check to check for most of that year…
I couldn’t do it anymore.

Job Burnout, nervous breakdown, fatigue whatever its called sent me spiraling quickly into jobless, houseless limbo.

Because I didn’t drink at the time or was into drugs depression and self loathing were my enemies.

Slowly you learned its not you but the the SYSTEM IS FUCKED NOT YOU!

I did work, pay taxes every time groceries, new clothes, or other merchandise were bought. Paid into the system and the syst
screwed me!

From homeless shelter’s, the gray underground cash-in-hand-jobs.

I find my way in the process as others before me have.

Help from a then youth now grown up woman in her own right helped more by example and action than words.

Its possible getting of G.A. staying off is the problem.

Now that I’m captured yet again at least it won’t get to me as it did before with missed appointments, complete disclosures of intent, or personal ambitions.

Multi tasking is a maligned word but needed in this quickened world.

One need not contemplate jail as an escape or exit strategy.

I’m not doing the crime then the time, hopefully won’t be set up for such a fall.

So back on G.A. maybe its time to pay the piper and have my pc, printer fixed, web surf safely in my own home.

If I’m able to buy a web cam for dating only with minor peeks of some online babes...

Could I use a web cam as a personal money making tool myself!

One won't know until its tried.

A jobless/houseless depressed wreck I was, now free from the grey tunnel the experience may have forged a stronger me.