My Name is Pj, I have autism and i live in the north east of England. My story is about discrimination in all sectors including that of hip-hop and the general music industry.
I have had a discriminative past through my time on earth, i have been excluded from four primary schools, 3 high schools, 2 colleges because i fought those who discriminated against myself or others. I have been sacked from almost 30 jobs and only lasted one week per job, however i write in this section of the abuse particularly within hip hop and the music industry.
My story begins in the year 2000, my dad just bought me a new computer, i have no social outlook or any kind of interaction with the outside world, new to the internet i wanted to reach out to people, the computer, was much like my best friend.
I got in contact with a girl who guided me to express my oppression and exclusion from society by writing poems, she offered that this would heal my internal pain, as i started to develop theses poems she sent me some music, a new kind of music to me, it was entitled "changes" from Tupac yes that's what i needed, change.
She said to me as i listened to this music "why don't you rap?" i thought was this what this guy was doing? Rapping? i liked what i heard i researched hip hop and i saw it stood for social justice, freedom and equality, based on love and not money, based on peace and not war.
I thought this would be a perfect example to reflect the internal pain out to the world. Sadly, i soon found out this was not the case, actually was the total opposite and seemed a world away from the creation of what hip hop was founded on.
I bought a small production software for my computer and decided to try out some new songs, i put them on a website called soundclick, within my first two week i was number one on the website charts, i never knew what type of reaction i would get next. On the internet numerous of comments came flashing before my eyes "your wack" "you're sh**t" through hundreds of people, some good comments were given but however the sheer hate from these individuals paralyzed me in to distinction, my world on the outside was crippling me, now my own world was killing me.
I wrote to my local paper informing them on being number one on soundclick.com and soon had my photo and story across the whole town, eventually been ridiculed and tormented for expressing my past oppression, i stood silent, frozen wondering what am i doing? i must of been crazy ( more troubling than my own disability), i was saying to myself should i stop this and hide behind a rock? No i thought i shall continue.
After a few more exposures in the paper as a regular feature i was becoming a town star, numerous appearances within three years including the local radio station, eventually i had a call from a woman over the phone who informed me of her book about a disabled boy who had turned to hip hop. She wrote that book based on me and i had given her the inspiration. This made me continue. She asked me to come to the local town library where school children were there waiting for me. I was nervous and anxious but i knew i had to do this. From where i started, in just over 3 years, i was becoming more known by the day.
I eventually wanted to create a hip hop group which at the time was creating a buzz, we was touring, playing at different events and supporting the local big names in our county. Then once again things turned horrid, group conflicts arised and the group disbanded, i was left alone again, with a status that was not as rewarding as i thought, sometimes on the bus minding my own business some strangers asked me are you that rapper in the paper? It wasn't fun or good anymore to be known.
Through the years I developed my lyrics, my rapping and my music and networked with the biggest names in UK hip hop, eventually producing my best track with a big UK hip hop producer.
In 2007 i met my now to be wife, honored a distribution contract and i eventually released my first song, i moved home and as i moved home with my wife to be i was getting hate mail from where i used to live, eventually i had to stop the producing, rapping all together to have a deep breath of fresh air and my wife realizing i needed closure and understanding about helping me understand my persona. I eventually been diagnosed officially as having asperger's syndrome.
Once I found this out, i knew exactly why i had been ridiculed, i knew why i had wanted to make music and i knew then that nothing can stop me in my ventures, finding about my disability never made me feel weak, it made me or the first time strong, very strong.
This was a gift to me and i was going to use it, me and my wife set up an organization on a social networking site "stop discrimination against special needs" because i felt victimized, it was just a group i made because i was upset, it wasn't meant to be a group were thousands could join.
Over two years other disabled people felt my pain and a movement began, 3,000 people have joined this movement just in the UK, another 5 thousand in South Africa, 1,000 in Romania and two thousand in America which is still growing. As this started i began to think and i thought i need to go to London and voice this out, i need to bring every disabled person together to stop the discrimination which is so wide spread and nothing has been done about it. my wife and I made a organization and we made a website www.nserd.org which combats all forms of disability discrimination and our aims and goals.
Since moving and being married i have been supported unanimously by my wife and her family and i am for ever grateful from the hardship i received not just in music but in general, i am now a fighter, an activist and advocate for disabled people, i am fiercely passionate about the people that care and the people that are disabled, i am fully focused on that issue.
Since i have become stronger i have met some rather uneducated rappers who have stated lines such as "I will fight disabled people, f**k em" "you need to sort your mental illness out" " disabled people should not rap" "neurotypicals should not be apart of disabled and should have separate groups....."
i was astonished but i thought well you're going to get a backlash of many who believe they know it all and are more powerful, it reminds me of a roman conquest were the Celts push them out of the north and are barracked by the Hadrian's wall indeed this is now where disabled people are at in this century.
We are fighting back and i am full runner to make a point. I have always been rebellious, confronting, and yet i can sustain vulnerability. I am kind, gentle and i have an innocent almost angelic personality with soul of passionate fire.
People today want justice weather that be with the governments, the banks or the conspiracies of new world order however theses same people who want truth and unity are ignorant to who have suffered since time began: the undesirables.
Since ancient Greece or even before people with disabilities have been used, poked at and ridiculed, from medieval woodcut of witches to circus "freaks", what a lot religious people do not realize is that the majority of all prophets were disabled, any Muslim or Christen who laughs at a disabled person is laughing against gods own prophetical children, these same people are blasphemous against their very own god and prophet, i speak for god because god protects the disabled, disabled are the most valuable to god, not because they are weak or disabled, but because the disabled believe!.
One example of a disabled prophet is Mohammed peace be upon him and Moses peace be upon him, and shall we not forget Jesus loved disabled people like his very own. Therefore I continue this trend today! Stay Tune for more of my words right here on Poor Magazine/Krip-Hop Nation
By Pj DoubletheTrouble of Northeast of England