Distance From The Hole

p The poet Charles span class="scayt-misspell" data-scayt_word="Bukowski" data-scaytid="16"Bukowski/span wrote that it is sometimes necessary for a writermdash;addressing a particular subjectmdash;to have some distance between him (Or her) self and said subject.nbsp; It has been a quarter of a century since I worked at a church in the capacity of sextonmdash;also known as janitor. I currently occupy the position of door attendant at an upscale apartment complex in the city.nbsp; I cannot afford to live at this complex, nor can I afford the array of polo shirts I see clinging to the various emin-shape/emmdash;and sometimes emout-of-shape/em--bodies as they make their way past the desk.nbsp; I sometimes feel like a beauty contest judge as I watch this passel of humanity sauntermdash;and occasionally limpmdash;past me.nbsp; Where is the beauty, I ask?nbsp; I see lots of new clothes and very expensive shoes which bring to mind a quote by span class="scayt-misspell" data-scayt_word="H.D" data-scaytid="1"H.D/span. Thoreau:/p p nbsp;/p p emldquo;It is an interesting question how far men would retain their/em/p p emrelative rank if they were divested of their clothesrdquo;/em/p p nbsp;/p p The quote is liberatingmdash;so much so that I copy it on an index card and slip it in my back pocket.nbsp; I read the quote and get the urge to run through the halls of this high end apartment complex, stripping myself of clothing, shedding them like leaves.nbsp; I picture myself running across the halls, banging on doors and running away.nbsp; I imagine myself naked and free, people looking at me as if Irsquo;d lost my mind as I call on them to join me in this new found freedom.nbsp; Then I hear a siren followed by two very large men who seem to occupy the space between two words: Stolid and stupid.nbsp; They are wearing clothesmdash;uniformsmdash;blue, to be exact.nbsp; They proceed to toss my naked ass in the squad car.nbsp; Peace restored./p p nbsp;/p p Which brings me back to 25 years ago when Imdash;fully clothedmdash;was hired as a sexton at a church about 6 blocks from my current place of employment.nbsp; The church was large, Presbyterian, with a congregation of mostly elders.nbsp; The staircase was imposingnbsp;and the entire structure was topped with anbsp;precise roof.nbsp; A friendrsquo;s mother, who knew I was in school and in need of a job, suggested I see a fellow named Art--the maintenance supervisor--at the Church.nbsp; She had attended the church years ago and stayed in contact with some in the congregation.nbsp; Art, apparently, was looking for a part time janitor to carry some of the load following his 3rd heart attack.nbsp; ldquo;Itrsquo;s all set uprdquo; my friendrsquo;s mother said.nbsp; ldquo;I told him yoursquo;ll be there tomorrow, at 2rdquo;.nbsp;/p p nbsp;/p p I arrive at the church door at 2. I look at the grain of the wood.nbsp; The door would be appropriate in a fortress.nbsp; I feel like a dwarf.nbsp; Inbsp;surmise it would take 2, maybe 3 people to push it open.nbsp; It is beautiful.nbsp; A metal door ring is affixed to the door. nbsp;I get the crazy idea that knocking would hurt the wood.nbsp; I stand and look at the trees a few yards away near the sidewalkrsquo;s edge.nbsp; I consider walking away but I need a job.nbsp; I lift the ring and give the door three reverent knocks.nbsp; No answer.nbsp; I give three more knocks--this time irreverent.nbsp;/p p ldquo;Heyhellip;Hey!rdquo; a voice calls from outside./p p I descend the stairs and look both ways.nbsp;/p p ldquo;Over here!rdquo;/p p I look down.nbsp; A manrsquo;s head is sticking from a window, hands waving.nbsp; I walk towards him./p p ldquo;Irsquo;m here for the janitorialmdash;ldquo;, I begin/p p ldquo;I know, I knowrdquo; he says, waving me over.nbsp; ldquo;Come on down to the glory holerdquo;./p p He closes the window. I walk past a few skinny trees and bushes and head down a flight of stairs and into the glory hole./p p nbsp;/p p The glory hole is stuffymdash;smelling of holy water, urine and rancid meat.nbsp; The ceiling is low./p p ldquo;Come on inhellip;I ainrsquo;t span class="scayt-misspell" data-scayt_word="gonna" data-scaytid="18"gonna/span hurt span class="scayt-misspell" data-scayt_word="ya”" data-scaytid="20"yardquo;/span./p p I wade through a path lined with paint cans and industrial cleaning supplies and head towards a desk strewn with papers and partially crushed soda cans.nbsp; I take a seat./p p ldquo;My name is Art Carneyrdquo; said the man, moving papers, searching for something./p p ldquo;Art Carney?rdquo; I said.nbsp; ldquo;You mean, like the guy onmdash;ldquo;/p p ldquo;TVhellip;yeah, I know.nbsp; Irsquo;ve heard that a million times.nbsp; But I span class="scayt-misspell" data-scayt_word="aint’" data-scaytid="22"aintrsquo;/span him and he ainrsquo;t merdquo;.nbsp;/p p I looked at Artrsquo;s facemdash;fat, slightly freckled, receding hairline.nbsp; The room looked like an adult playroom.nbsp; Cassette tapes were lined on a shelf next to bottles of beer.nbsp; I scanned the walls for a picture of Jesus.nbsp;/p p ldquo;You do janitorial work before?rdquo;/p p ldquo;Yes, with my dadrdquo;/p p ldquo;Where?rdquo;/p p ldquo;In the city.nbsp; He had a janitorial businessrdquo;./p p Art shook his head.nbsp; He searched my face, as if to verify something.nbsp; He reached below to open the desk drawer but his belly was in the way.nbsp; He backed away, pulled it open./p p ldquo;Fill this outhellip;itrsquo;s an applicationrdquo; he said, tossing a tablet with applications towards me.nbsp; I tore one off, leaving one behind.nbsp; I begin writing my name.nbsp;/p p ldquo;Where it says emposition applied for/emhellip;you write in emsexton/emrdquo;./p p ldquo;Sexton? I thought it was janitor?rdquo;/p p Art looked at me, inhaled./p p I put a line through the word janitor./p p How do you spell sexton? i asknbsp;/p p ldquo;Yoursquo;ll start this Sundayrdquo; he said, not hearing my question.nbsp; ldquo;Donrsquo;t be laterdquo;/p p ldquo;I wonrsquo;t/p p nbsp;/p p I got there on time.nbsp; I, as my uncle would say, span class="scayt-misspell" data-scayt_word="sexton’d" data-scaytid="24"sextonrsquo;d/span my ass off.nbsp; I cleaned toilets with a red solution that resembled span class="scayt-misspell" data-scayt_word="Chambord" data-scaytid="26"Chambord/span liqueur.nbsp; My uncle was also a janitor, working for the city and county.nbsp; He would mention to his friends that I was a sextonmdash;implying that it was a higher class of janitor.nbsp; His friends, not knowing the term sexton (They kept pronouncing it span class="scayt-misspell" data-scayt_word="sexin’" data-scaytid="28"emsexin/emrsquo;/span), thought it had something to do with sex.nbsp; When he mentioned that I was working in a church, they were convinced.nbsp; ldquo;Tell young blood to watch his assrdquo; theyrsquo;d say.nbsp; ldquo;You know about them priestshellip;the moment you bend over to change the toilet paper they span class="scayt-misspell" data-scayt_word="gettin" data-scaytid="29"gettin/span#39; off inside span class="scayt-misspell" data-scayt_word="yo’" data-scaytid="31"yorsquo;/span assrdquo;.nbsp; I checked the soap dispensers, cleaned the toilets, sink and changed the toilet papermdash;making sure to be mindful of my surroundings prior to flushing.nbsp;/p p nbsp;/p p Art Carney seemed fairly decent.nbsp;nbsp; He began opening up to me, slowly.nbsp; One day we were washing the church windows.nbsp; He stood holding the ladder which I ascended, intent on illustrating my glass cleaning artistry.nbsp; I used the squeegee like a paintbrush, gliding left to right, turning the curves as if painting a span class="scayt-misspell" data-scayt_word="rubenesque" data-scaytid="33"rubenesque/span female in the presence of saints.nbsp;/p p ldquo;Hey!rdquo;/p p I look down./p p ldquo;Yeah?rdquo;/p p Art was leaning on the ladder more then steadying it.nbsp; His red face was sweating in the chilly air./p p ldquo;Donrsquo;t waste time being fancy.nbsp; Just use one motion with the squeegeehellip;top to bottomhellip;up then downrdquo;/p p ldquo;Okrdquo;/p p I lifted the squeegee, brought it down in a cutting motion.nbsp; It was faster this way but I found it boringmdash;no variationmdash;like sex performed in one positionmdash;up and downmdash;heaven or hell, right or wrongmdash;no room for argument. I stepped to the bottom of the ladder.nbsp; I lifted it onto my shoulder.nbsp; Art inspected my work.nbsp; We headed back towards the glory hole. I felt powerful, balancing the metal laddermdash;heavy but not overly so.nbsp; We stopped at the door.nbsp; Art dug into his pocket./p p ldquo;They never told merdquo; said Art/p p ldquo;What?rdquo;/p p ldquo;That red meat was bad for yourdquo;/p p ldquo;Is that how you got 3 heart attacks?rdquo;/p p ldquo;Nohellip;the red meat was responsible for 2 of themrdquo;/p p ldquo;And the other?rdquo;/p p ldquo;I got it from a niggerrdquo;/p p I looked at Art.nbsp; I wasnrsquo;t sure Irsquo;d heard him correctly, or did I?rdquo;/p p You mean span class="scayt-misspell" data-scayt_word="niggah...right" data-scaytid="3"emniggah/em...right/span?/p p I span class="scayt-misspell" data-scayt_word="meant...nigger" data-scaytid="4"meant...emnigger/em/span/p p Well, i span class="scayt-misspell" data-scayt_word="mean...there" data-scaytid="6"mean...there/span is a difference you know, between nigger and emspan class="scayt-misspell" data-scayt_word="niggah" data-scaytid="35"niggah/span/em.nbsp; And it is well documented that span class="scayt-misspell" data-scayt_word="niggah's" data-scaytid="39"strongn/strongiggah#39;s/span stronga/strongren#39;t stronga/stronglways strongc/strongolored strongp/strongeople?/p p span class="scayt-misspell" data-scayt_word="Documented...where" data-scaytid="8"Documented...where/span?/p p You#39;ve heard of span class="scayt-misspell" data-scayt_word="N.A.A.C.P" data-scaytid="10"N.A.A.C.P/span. haven#39;t you?/p p What#39;s that?/p p Never mind.nbsp; How about a hamburger?/p p ldquo;This nigger popped out of the bushesrdquo; Art continued.nbsp; ldquo;Scared the shit out of me.nbsp; I fell to the ground wishing I had my gun.nbsp; Anyway, the guy helps me up, asks me I could give him a dollar.nbsp; I tell him to take my walletrdquo;./p p ldquo;Did he take it?rdquo;/p p span class="scayt-misspell" data-scayt_word="“Yeah...he" data-scaytid="12"ldquo;Yeah...he/span took it, opened it and took a dollar out.nbsp; Then he walks me to the glory hole, sits me down, calls 911 and leaves.nbsp; Can you believe that?rdquo;/p p Art finds his keys, opens the door.nbsp;The conversation about nigger vs.nbsp;span class="scayt-misspell" data-scayt_word="niggah" data-scaytid="37"niggah/span was disconcerting.nbsp; I felt the urge to kick him in the balls but--even if i did--given Art#39;s girth in the midriff area, i doubt i would hit anything other than fat. nbsp;I follow his 3 heart attack-having, two-ton redneck ass into the glory hole, the ladder heavy on my shoulders./p p nbsp;/p p I spent one more month cleaning toilets, making coffee for the church ladiesmdash;who took me by the wrists and told me what a nice boy I was.nbsp; I cleaned the toilets, mopped the floor and blew leaves of the sidewalk with a very loud leaf blower.nbsp;I would have to vacuum the main sanctuary at night, which was scary.nbsp; There were air pockets, or perhaps holes, that i wasn#39;t aware of where air would come through.nbsp;nbsp;The noise sounded like emspan class="scayt-misspell" data-scayt_word="ooooooooh...oooooooh" data-scaytid="14"ooooooooh...oooooooh/span/em.nbsp; I always hurried through that portion of the job.nbsp; Mostlynbsp;I did what I was told: emStay down in that glory hold until the service ends/em.nbsp; I ended my service leaving only my keys behind./p p nbsp;/p p That was a quarter of a century ago.nbsp; I sometimes think about Art.nbsp; Is he still alive?nbsp; Did he improve his diet?nbsp; Did his wife stick with that yoga class?nbsp; I sit here at my present job, watching the affluent go bymdash;one by one.nbsp; I take my rag and buff the French door windows.nbsp; I see myself,nbsp;the kid I was washing the church windowsmdash;one motion: up/down/, right/wrong, heaven/hell.nbsp; Irsquo;ve come far in a distance of six blocks.span _fck_bookmark="1" style="display: none"nbsp;/span/p p nbsp;/p p emstrongPhoto courtesy Davis Wiki--nbsp;a href="http://daviswiki.org/" target="_blank"font color="#0068cf"http://span class="scayt-misspell" data-scayt_word="daviswiki.org" data-scaytid="40"daviswiki.org/span//font/a/strong/embr / nbsp;/p