I hear voices, see faces, of people I killed- We-Search on the Military Industrial Complex

p nbsp;/p p nbsp;/p p Editors Note: emspan data-scayt_word="PNN's" data-scaytid="1"PNN#39;s/spannbsp; span data-scayt_word="WeSearch" data-scaytid="2"WeSearch/span is people-led (rather than institution led)nbsp; research and media created by the people who are impacted by the issue we do the research on. in this series we focused on the Military Industrial Complex and its impact on young people in poverty across span data-scayt_word="Amerikkka" data-scaytid="3"Amerikkka/span./em/p p emThis span data-scayt_word="Wesearch" data-scaytid="4"Wesearch/span focus produced one written narrative and a video documentary- the Findings are embedded in both:/em/p p nbsp;/p p strongFrom Papa Bear, Disabled/span data-scayt_word="Houseless" data-scaytid="5"Houseless/span Vietnam Vet/strong/p p nbsp;/p p class="MsoNormal" People call me Papa Bear. I am span data-scayt_word="houseless" data-scaytid="6"houseless/span. They used to call me Bear, but I help out other folks on the street. If I get something, I share it. I look out for people and help them get what they need. So they started calling me Papa Bear./p p class="MsoNormal" nbsp;/p p class="MsoNormal" I have a Masters in Psychology from Ohio State, and I have Post Traumatic Stress span data-scayt_word="Sydrome" data-scaytid="7"Sydrome/span (PTSD)spannbsp; /spanfrom my years in the war in Vietnam./p p class="MsoNormal" nbsp;/p p class="MsoNormal" I killed over 200 people in Vietnam. When you are in that situation, taking life, you lose touch with reality. Anytime you take a life it#39;s traumatic. I started to enjoy it. That is sick. Taking someonersquo;s existence started to make me feel like a god. That is also sick./p p class="MsoNormal" nbsp;/p p class="MsoNormal" Irsquo;m on the highest dose of medication for PTSD and Irsquo;m scared because itrsquo;s starting to not be enough. I hear voices, see faces, of people I killed. Theyrsquo;re dead. I want to tell them to stay dead, donrsquo;t talk to me and donrsquo;t let me see your face./p p class="MsoNormal" nbsp;/p p class="MsoNormal" I want to get off these streets. I want the government to do what its supposed to do. I volunteered to serve my country, I wasnrsquo;t drafted. And they donrsquo;t even give me a penny to live on./p p class="MsoNormal" nbsp;/p p class="MsoNormal" I am proud that I was born here, but Irsquo;m totally dissatisfied with this country. I went and got my masters degree. What happened to our ancestors did not happen to us. If you want to do something in this country, you do it. So I volunteered to serve. Now, I am on the streets because of George Bushrsquo;s program to re-evaluate Vietnam vets./p p class="MsoNormal" nbsp;/p p class="MsoNormal" I have a file of medical records and documentation that is 37 inches high. A yard is only 36 inches. This is over 3 feet tall. I did not need to be re-evaluated./p p class="MsoNormal" nbsp;/p p class="MsoNormal" I am open to passing on what I learned, but you cannot force another human being to take your opinion if you donrsquo;t want to. I tried talking to young people and they said you donrsquo;t know what yoursquo;re talking about, Irsquo;m still going to do what Irsquo;m going to do. I am very willing to talk about it if people want to listen./p p class="MsoNormal" nbsp;/p p class="MsoNormal" But not the specifics. You canrsquo;t talk about what happened, because talking about it brings up the memories and those are memories most of us are trying to forget. I donrsquo;t watch movies about the war. span data-scayt_word="Vietmam" data-scaytid="8"Vietmam/span was not something to brag about. Too bloody. Too sad./p p class="MsoNormal" nbsp;/p p em(this series is dedicated to Philip SB)/em/p