10 in SF in Need of an Asswhipping
by Tony Robles
Many people are getting whipped and beaten down in the city of St. Francis. It is feeling more like the city of “Ain't Francis”. Everywhere you look, there is the word change—as in a “changing city”, or a "neighborhood undergoing change". The city is changing, the neighborhoods are changing; those words rolling off the tongue, whose tone suggests that change happens through osmosis. Those of us who feel the changes the most—service workers, artists, seniors, working class youth, etc.--know otherwise. Regular folks are getting beaten down by landlords, real estate agents, property managers, law enforcement and any number of bureaucratic apparatuses. But the folks taking the beating, the ones not invited to the tech/real estate orgy, the one's who subsidize the wealthy—live in a state of fear; of evictions, of losing employment, their minds, etc. That being said, I have compiled a list of those who I feel are in desperate need of and are overdue for an asswhipping. The list, by no means, is a complete list, but it is a list nonetheless, of those most deserving souls who have done much, in the name of greed and insidiousness, to make life difficult for the rest of us.
1. Airbnb—The pimps at this corporation continue to pimp out the city's housing stock while ignoring city ordinances and laws. The boys from Cleveland have thumbed their noses at the city, refusing to disclose information on who uses their platform to offer short term rentals. This business model has taken precious housing stock off the rental market and caused evictions. Airbnb shamelessly pimped the pride parade, taking out full page ads, urging people to rent their rooms/homes with pride. However, the vast majority of people are not registering—as mandated by the short term rental law passed last year—which is a violation of that law. And Airbnb has taken to the billboards, asserting that they have paid millions to the city in taxes and that they allow people the means to make ends meet to remain in San Francisco. Pimping at its most shameless. And since City Hall appears to be the crown jewel of this ubiquitous pimpdom, I anticipate its listing on Airbnb, complete with rooms such as the Conway Suite, just a few feet away from the RonCon Rotunda, the Breed Suite (for dogs and cats) and the mustache massage area for those who want to get the kinks out (or freak on). The owners of this outfit deserve an asswhipping, along with their followers and minnions who misuse and misrepresent the word sharing.
2. Daniel Bornstein—Landlord attorney from hell and Anton Lavey look alike. I spotted him at the couthouse on McAllister, pacing the halls, whistling that tune, “We're in the money”. After taking that in, I surmised that Anton Lavey probably wasn't that bad.
3. The company responsible for “The Hottest Tech Talent” billboards—It's bad enough to see them in the flesh, walking around, oblivious, stuffing their faces with bacon wrapped in hot dogs in the Mission and stocking up on artisan toilet paper but must we see their hairy, scrawny, non-descript bodies on billboards as well? These folks are begging for an asswhipping.
4. SF Board of Supervisors who voted against the Mission Housing Moratorium—A mass of community folks from the Mission and beyond came before the board to testify to the need to halt or pause market rate development that is turning the Mission into a hipster outpost where murals are painted over in various shades of white. Youth and people who don't often make it to City Hall came out in numbers, pouring their hearts out eloquently and passionately about their community and how it is being destroyed by rich people housing. Perhaps due to wax build up in the ear canal, some supervisors didn't hear the voices and voted it down. The message: Let them eat tortillas at Camp Campos. If ever an asswhipping was in order...
5. Anna Kihagi Swain—Landlord/Speculator who has harassed tenants in her buildings by withholding mail, cable servies and making the most outrageous and fatuous claims about her tenants—such as accusing a elder tenant of selling drugs door to door. A special foot in the ass for this saint.
6. Real Estate companies who change names of neighborhoods as if they were changing a pair of socks or underwear.
7. Those tight assed MF's walking around with beards and bow ties (With names like Dylan and Zach...or Zack)
8. Annlia Paganini-Hill—This landlord used the Ellis Act to evict tenants from her Lombard Street Building. One tenant, Elaine Turner, 88, a resident of more than 3 decades in her North Beach unit, died due to health complications brought on by the stress of the eviction. Hill is proceeding with the eviction of her two remaining tenants, who are resisting and fighting the battle in the courts. Ironically, Paganini-Hill is a researcher with UC Irvine's 90+ Study, a study funded by the National Institute on Aging on Alzheimers with the focus on promoting “Quality and Quantity of life”. How is evicting an 88 year old senior from her long time home showing concern for quality or quantity of life?
9. Uber and Lyft—Airbnb on wheels, pimpin your ride as well as your hide.
10. SF Barf—An asswhipping for trying to convince us that more market rate housing is thesolution to the affordability crisis and for also trying to convince us that they are a legitimate organization. Who gave them a speaking part?